A Mothers Cry for Her Baby.

It’s like everything happened so fast, yet in slow motion. Naomi was born September 5, 2015. The absolute best day of my life hands down, but in hours I thought it would soon be the worse. Naomi was a small baby for full term; she was 5 lbs. 9 oz. My due date was September 11, 2015, but we were, what a week early right?

So after Naomi was born the doctors did their whole look over and they said that she was perfectly fine, except her glucose levels were low. They said that it was normal for a full term baby her weight to possibly have this issue. The nurses said that they would keep an eye on her, but other than that everything was as it was supposed to be.

I was a little worried for a minute but the nurses assured everything was fine, so I breast fed Naomi, and ate a little lunch myself. I was tired but so overwhelmed with excitement that I couldn’t really sleep. Not to mention I was really tripping off the fact that I could see myself touching my legs but I could not feel them at all, it was really weird. A few hours later they moved Rob and us to our own little room, right across the nursery, go figure. (Sigh) So we settled in and got cozy. I don’t know about anyone else but the whole hospital thing after having Naomi was kind of relaxing and enjoyable, well that was until my heart got broken.

Nicole (Nurse) came and assisted with the breast feeding. I was still trying to get a hang of it. In the mist of this Naomi’s glucose levels still were low, and it was only getting lower. To say I was worried is an understatement out of this world! I was so miserable. I started to feel a little pain from the C- section, the meds started to ware off. I was itching my butt off!!! I needed scissor hands to come and do me a favor, I was itching sooooo bad. I was told that was a side effect from the epidural, I don’t know all I know is it felt like millions of bugs were crawling on me. The nurse wanted to give me a Benadryl and I didn’t want to because I knew it would make me really drowsy over top of already being tired, but I didn’t want to sleep because I needed to keep tabs on Naomi, she needed. (This is super hard for me to talk about, sigh.)

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITH OUT ROB. His calmness gave me peace, up until they came in and said they needed to take Naomi to the nursery across the hall so the nurses could keep a close eye on her. They had pricked her foot so many times to get blood to check her sugar levels. HATE IS A STRONG WORD RIGHT?! WELL I HATED TO SEE WHAT MY BABY, MY DAUGHTER, MY CHILD WAS GOING THROUGH. I HATED IT!! I WISH IT WAS ME, NOT HER! WHY???

I couldn’t get out the bed to even go across the hall to see my child the first night that they took her from us. I was so frustrated, I felt so hopeless. <<SCREAMING>> what do I do God; please help my baby, please! Rob went back and forth between Naomi and me to make sure we both were okay. I didn’t care about me I needed and wanted Naomi to be alright. Rob saw differently, he said Naomi would be fine, and I needed to make sure I did what I was supposed to do because she needed me! While he was in the nursery with Naomi he would call and tell me what was going on! I was so excited when he said that her sugar levels had gone up! With that good news I said a quick prayer thanking God and I dozed off.

I woke up a few times during the night and Rob was in the nursery with Naomi. The nurses kept telling me how he would not put her down! I’m so thankful for Rob. The nurses telling me he hadn’t put her down since he stepped foot in the nursery was not a shock to me at all. I just love that she wasn’t alone. I was all over the place mentally, emotionally, you already know I was physically, and even spiritually because I couldn’t pray hard enough to God for Him to help me in this situation for Him to help my child.

That morning about 6 o’clock the nurses told me I needed to get up and walk, I couldn’t be happier I wanted to see my baby. Rob gave me a bath and I scooted my tail across the hall to the nursery. I walked in there and I was so sad, Naomi was hooked up to so much stuff. She looked at me, and I smiled and I was so sad at the same time. My precious life just got here and she was already going through more than what she could even be close to understanding.

Rob kept on hassling me about eating so I went back to the room and ordered me something to eat. Rob was on the phone with my parents when I got a knock on the door from a doctor I had never seen before. She started talking about Naomi’s condition, all the things that could go wrong from her sugar levels being so low. I wish I could share with you in detail everything the doctor said but when I tell you that it was a blur and everything she was saying was muffled, I just saw her lips moving but I couldn’t hear anything she said. My vision got blurry from the massive flow of tears I was crying. Rob came in and told the doctor to give me a minute and to talk to him. I remember this lady coming in the room and giving me my food, she looked so sad for me. If I saw her now I would remember exactly who she is.

My heart was so broken. There was no pain in the world that I had ever endured that made me feel the way I felt that day. (Shaking my head.)

I’ve always believed in Jesus, always and He has done great things for me in my life, I have dodged many bullets due to His grace and mercy and I believe that and only that! If my life was based on luck it would have ran out a long time ago. When I tell you my hands were tied in this situation it was like fighting with my hands behind my back. My spirit was so unsettled. I watched the ambulance come in with a stretcher and an incubator on top of it, for my Naomi. I felt like I was watching this on TV or something. I HATED THIS FEELINF. I HATED IT! I swear I think my heart stopped beating.

Naomi got transferred to Rainbow Babies, is a children’s hospital in Cleveland, Ohio. It is a part of University Hospitals Case Medical Center, formerly University Hospitals of Cleveland. In 2015-2016 Rainbow ranked third in the country for neonatal care in the U.S. News & World Report ranking of pediatric hospitals. It was two men and a woman who came and got Naomi and I remember asking that lady “are you a mother?” She said, “Yes.” “Please, please take care of her.” I was crying and she promised me she would. They told us to not come to the hospital right away give them some time to get her set up etc. By the time they checked me out the hospital, Rob and I ran to the pharmacy to get my meds and we were on our way. We got there and had to go through the whole security clearance and finally we saw our baby! She looked so precious. (My baby girl.) We got set up in our room while the nurse came in explaining to us the latest results which were good thus far.

I have a journal for Naomi that I started writing in when I was pregnant and I still write in it now a few days out the week. I remember writing in that journal to God, praying that we would leave this hospital with a healthy strong baby, no sickness, no illness of any kind! In Jesus name! The nurses checked her sugar levels every three hours! And every three hours she was perfect, perfect! <<SCREAMING>> THANK YOU GOD!! THANK YOU!! The next day was going to be the day!! The day that she would be taken off of the IV and see what her sugar would do without the help of it. And God be the glory, He did it!! And I knew it!! I knew it!! See I’ve always had faith! Always! But I always waivered in it! But when I tell you as a mother with her back up against the wall I prayed and I asked God and I believed it because I had no choice my child needed me and I was so weak and she didn’t know it. I relied on God and I’m thankful today like I was yesterday and I will be every day!

I remember Rob leaving the hospital the first time in 5 days to go get some more things for us and I went in the bathroom and I cried, I creid long and hard. I’ve always believed in God, but I knew then and there that He was real. Someone I’ve never seen to shed His grace and mercy on my family. The hospital staff was great! Everyone was so compassionate and patient. I will never ever forget any of them! Ever! I pray for them and their loved ones!

It so amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye, one moment I was crying tears of joy looking at my baby girl, and the next I was crying tears because I was sad for her.

Appreciate life! Appreciate the lives around you. Whether you know it or not someone is praying for what you have right now!

I’m Just Saying…


Thank you husband, for being exactly what I want but mostly for being exactly what I need, me knowing that we can come together in the mist of sadness and confusion and lean on each other. Thank you for being my calm in the storm my peace in the mist of sadness. You are my rock and my shoulder to lean on. Thank you for loving your family, for being the leader in which I proudly stand beside as you carry the life on your shoulders that we created together through love. I love you!


Red Lipstick.


…and to you little one. You will never understand the gratitude of love that I have for you. I was in love with you before I ever saw your face, 9 months I carried you inside me. Our hearts they beat together. I love you so much sweet pea.