I Like It My Way

Hey Chile.

(I wrote this blog a few days ago, didn’t feel good so, so I decided to listen to my body and for once I said, ‘Forget it.’)

Long time no hear from kind of sorta I guess, huh?
I’ve been so busy. My plate is full of all these goals, and ‘TO DO’s’ on top of being a mommy and a wifey.  My brain had way too many tabs open. I had to reboot. Ugh. It’s weird, like I feel fine. My vibe is good. My energy is good. I’ve been working out consistently, which makes me happy. I really do not have any complaints. But mentally, mentally I feel like I’m disconnected. I’m mentally exhausted.
It’s rough starting from the bottom. Ain’t it?
Imagine going to work every day. Putting in hours, planning, creating, studying, etc., but you ain’t getting paid. That’s how I feel sometimes. I love RedLipstickandCammies. I’m proud of it, and that’s putting it lightly. Trust me! I created this whole idea on notebook paper. And what I have here is only a gist of my dreams. Piece by piece I see it coming together how I’ve envisioned it from day 1. Slowly but surely. But see, that’s the thing though. The slowly part is what discourages me sometimes. Oh yeah, and the lack of support from those who said they would support me ‘the most.’ Ya know, before my blog actually became a blog. My husband always says, expect nothing, and you won’t be disappointed. And he’s right.
As far as slowly but surely. I know the surely part is a fact. That part is up to me. Self-discipline and consistency will carry you a long way. But most importantly, my faith in God is what will pull me through. Trusting His process gives me solace in the fact that things don’t happen overnight. Just because I want and wish something today, doesn’t mean it will happen today. Most days I can ride with that, but some days, ugh, it’s easier said than done. Everything I have, I’ve had to work for. I don’t know why I sometimes think this blog would be any different.
Through it all, I just want to remain true to what my passion. What gives me great joy. What makes me happy. I get caught up from time to time in what I should write about to draw attention to me, and my story. But I told myself from day 1  before I even officially started this blog. I told myself that I would remain true to what I want to do and to who I am. Not what is suitable to everyone else that will eventually work for me.
I don’t like the feeling of feeling incapable of fulfilling my goals based on how others view my talent.
These last few days I have been so exhausted from working out and fulfilling my other duties that I tend to during the day.
When April approached I was so excited about all the things I had planned and coming, and then I didn’t get the reaction that I thought I was going to get at all. And in all truth, instantly, I became discouraged. So, this week, I wasn’t pressed on posting every day. I was already half way on E. I refused to burn myself out for nothing. That’s just how I felt. Then I had to remind myself that there is nothing, I do, for nothing. #NotForNothing
One thing about me, when I start to feel like it’s, ‘one of them days’ I start to pull myself out the dumps. I pray, read, and remember that the same God that did it last time I wanted something ‘so bad’ did it didn’t He? And that is when I have to check myself.
I be ready to throw in the towel.
But God…
It’s hard when you have a dream, and it seems so far fetched. And no one takes you seriously because they don’t understand it, or fund from it. Ain’t it funny how money brings people out or together.
It is so important to know who you are. Because in these moments when things are going exactly how you mapped them out, you have to remember who you are, and not to count on other people to remind you. You get what I’m saying?
The struggle is real Chile. But God is realer. (Ha-Ha. Excuse my grammar.) ‘Realer.’
One step at a time.
As my brotha/cousin would say, “By and by.”
To be honest with you, and myself. I strive (Now more than ever.) to stay true to me.
I have had sooooo many people encourage me to get a YouTube channel. And I actually have one. I don’t have any videos posted, but yeah, I have a YouTube channel.
If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted anything, I am about to tell you.
First thing first! I really appreciate how everyone encouraged me to do something so amazing, I would love to have millions of followers looking and listening to me talk and what not. You know me. But I would prefer to have a million people follow my words on paper. I’m a writer. I love pencil and paper. I love the sound of the key board when I type how I feel. Writing is who I am. If you really want to get to know me, follow my words on paper.
Right now, I just don’t feel like it is the time. Me getting a YouTube channel right now, would be like me cheating on RedLipstickandCammies.com. Just because my blog is not where I want it to be at this time. I don’t feel like me starting something new would solve the problem. Although my channel would, lets say will for feature references be based on my blog, still.
YouTubing is work! Blogging is work! And although a YouTube channel may help my blog, it also takes a way from it. I would become so fixated on my channel, that I would not write as much.
And me not writing as much, is like telling me not to be me much. So, umm, yeah. I can’t do that. Not an option. Do you get what I’m saying?
I have a lot of things coming. Some sooner than later.
I wish I could have it all now, but it doesn’t work like that. I even though I always express to those who know me personally, how I want my blog to be this, that, and third. I appreciate the hard work I am putting into this. Finishing what I started. No more cutting corners to make it easier. I will appreciate it more when I can look back and see how I built it from the ground up.
So, yeah. One day I will be doing YouTube channels. Just not right now.
I know it isn’t the time yet. I can feel it. When I started to prepare for this blog, it was nothing I hesitated on. Not even the name, nothing. But since I’ve been debating and creating my YouTube page, I haven’t felt that go. God has something else in store. I’m going to be patient until I find out what it is.

I’m Just Saying…

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