If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for any thing….
Where do I start? Because God knows I have been holding this in few quite some time now. *Clears throat* I will start by saying this, I’m fitting to start minding my own business! For real! Now, let me break in down when I say mind my own business, because I take great pride in staying in my own lane and doing my own thang. BUT I promise that some peoples business seems to fall in my lap with a phone call or even a text. As if I don’t have anything to do during the day because I am a stay at home mom. And that too, is another story. I have been told by many of people that I am a motivator, encourager, go getter, honest, funny and a lot more positive things that make me want to continue to be great. But then again at the same time I feel like all those things back fire in my face, and then I am the one sitting somewhere feeling as if I said something wrong because people ask a question. Do people like to be lied to?
To know me is to love me! And that is for real! But I honestly am starting to think that a lot of people love me, but may not know me. I do think that this is a bother to me because I really expect a certain level of honesty from people that say they care about me. But I do feel lately that my assertive (confident in behavior or style) characteristic is too much for some people who are the closest to me. Now, for those who know me, whatever that means, know that I am loud, full of energy, and VERY, VERY passionate about any and everything that I love. Whether it be a person, place, or thing. That is why I chose not to speak on particular subjects or matters with people I don’t really know like that, or people that don’t necessarily know me like that. But let me tell ya, that rule is about to almost apply to everybody. I don’t know if its intimidation or jealousy. Just calling it how I feel, not how I see it. I’ve always believe that the truth lies in how you feel. And hey, it is what it is. I feel like I am just too much for some people. But I refuse to bottle up who I am because other people have a hard time expressing themselves verbally. That’s not my fault. I pray you take that up with Jesus. However, when I get phones calls about relationships, and/or a life crisis and you ask and I tell you. It may be something you didn’t want to really hear, but if you’re looking for someone to suck your thumb while you cry and lie to you, then I suggest you bet not call me. I am not in the babysitting business and I do not babysit my friends. Now, this is what boils my potato, when someone tries and insult my intelligence and/or patronize me because they truly look or feel like a dummy, makes me mad. How many of you have seen something or have heard something crazy, and you have said to yourself or someone else, “where they friends at?” Don’t lie!
I have had people call me crying about things, and I have literally prayed with them and for them. Let me just say this really quick, when I say that I am praying for you, I don’t say it because it sounds nice. I mean that I am praying for you. I can always be praying for someone and something else. Stop wasting my time. (Lord, God this feels so good to let out.) Now as much as I enjoy spending money and sometimes wasting it, (why did I buy this?) I’m so serious about my time. So do us both a favor, if ya not going to come correct and I mean that by telling the truth, then don’t come my way at all. Back to what I was saying. Now! I have had people call me and cry to me, hell, I done even cried with some them because it goes back to me being, what did I say, passionate. And guess what? It back fires on me, because I may have said something that wasn’t really pleasant to the ears, and not maliciously at all. It may not have been exactly what someone wanted to hear, but I guarantee you that they needed to hear it. I thought that’s what real friends do. Or so they say. Well, apparently not. So sad, but so. I have had people call me in the middle of the day (as if I am sitting around picking my nose doing nothing) who I have motivated or encouraged while I hear the pain in them, and then they lie about their circumstances later because they know they look foolish. Now, another thing! Those who know me ought to know that I do not judge. Jesus, I don’t. In some circumstances I may be curious to know or even understand, but I do not judge! I don’t. Whatever floats ya boat. As long as it isn’t affecting me, and what I have going on, I am good. But what I don’t like is how people act as if you’re stupid because they are. I listen to some folks and I literally look to my left and my right behind me to see if they are talking to me or some one else, because I know they don’t think for one second that I believe a single word I read in a text, heard over the phone, or what was said to my face. People will throw you a quick lie so they can sleep at night.
Listen, I know I may be a bit much, but I am genuine and honest, genuinely honest. But I am not obnoxious or disrespectful. Anything I say that may be harsh comes from love. If I wasn’t a true friend then I would tell you a quick lie because I wouldn’t care. If ya my home girl and ya got lettuce in ya teeth, I’m telling you. If ya my home girl and ya have a blood spot on the back of ya pants, I am telling you! If that is too much for ya, then I reckon you a fool to equal up to ya foolishness. And if you call me talking about ya man and how you’re not happy and he ain’t treating you right, or he moving to slow, or heck to fast and you ask for my opinion and you wanted me to dilute it so you could feel good, lose my number! No one will ever be whole lying to themselves. And you won’t get anywhere with me, lying to me. At the end of the day my opinion does not matter. It doesn’t on the biggest scheme of things. But why did you ask? I have had some people straight call me over a man and cry to the cows came home, and then turn around and say, “I’m taking one day at a time with him.” Blah blah blah, and hey that’s fine if that’s what ya mean. We all know that relationships are work, shoot. (Is it even a relationship though.) But if that was the truth then I could accept it. But the lies you tell to yourself to make you feel better. And because you’re dumb, I reckon I am too. Don’t call me any more. I have exhausted a lot of my energy into some folks who don’t deserve that part of me, even in a friendship. People will call you every cotton picking day and run you dry, until they’re “happy” again. What the world chile, I tell ya. Fool me once you know the rest. Time is presence and I don’t like to feel used up and insulted with lies after I have prayed and cried with you. I does not sit well with me.
Okay, now that I have given you some insight about how I feel, I am going to encourage you and myself at the same time,
If you’re someone who feels like you may be too much for people, or that you have to try and fit in when you’re around certain people. I am here to tell you this, DO NOT!! That’s their problem, not yours! An amazing person once told me, “April, don’t you dare dummy yourself down because other people don’t know how to deal with you in a moment of truth, especially when they ask.” Now there was more that this beautiful person said to me that I will always live and listen too when I run across friends, family, people, cats, dogs, whatever or whoever is intimated by my assertiveness! My greatness. Am I always right? Nope, sure ain’t. And in all truth I don’t want to be. You’ll never learn anything like that. But when people are uncomfortable with me, or may even be upset about something I said, they don’t express it. And then I am left feeling like I did something wrong. When in all reality I did what I was ask. I will no longer apologize for who I am. This is me. There are a lot of people who will follow people to hell so they don’t have to stand alone. Not me. There is a lot of people who feel many of ways about situations and circumstances, but will turn blue in the face before they open their mouths, they will get someone else to speak for them, or post a status on social media. Once again, not me. Some folks are straight up door mates. They allow people to walk all over them, but then complain about it all day, and yet again they say nothing. Don’t allow these people to embed their fears into you because they have a fear of standing up for themselves and you don’t.
You don’t have to curse someone out or punch them in the face to let them know that you’re not a force to be reckon with. Now, that’s me! I am loving, kind, funny, generous, helpful and hopeful. But I am no ones fool and I will let you know that I am not one. My brother always told me, “Sis, if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.” And he was not lying. Do I feel pain and get my feelings hurt? Of course I do. I am human first, and second I am emotional so yes I do. But I don’t take too kind to getting played like a drum set. But if you are someone who dances to the beat of the person beating your drum and because I refuse to allow it and that’s to much for you then, never mind. I am going to start charging some folk for my advice. I will say this, get the stepping. I am not longer giving advice to certain people or the truth because they can’t handle it. As much as people complain about being lied to, I really feel as if they like it. I have questioned who I am multiple times in life because what I think people I care about think of me. I know someone read that and said, you shouldn’t care about what people think. I don’t. I don’t care what people think. I said, I care about what those I care about think of me. There is no way we live in this world and don’t care about what a single person thinks. For example, for my people who can’t catch a hint if it was in front of them. If I get arrested, do not call my parents, because I am going to care what they think! That’s a hard pill to swallow. Do you follow me? Mmm…K.
I have some wonderful beautiful friends, and hella associates too. (Understand the difference between the two.) Lets just say I know how to handle folks these days. Some folk you have to handle with a short handle spoon in some areas, but in other areas their great. I am kind of sorta a private person when it comes to some things. I will no longer be about how I feel about certain things I feel pertaining to how people feel about me. So if you’re are reading this and you think that it’s you that I am talking about, maybe it is. Guess what though? This time I am keeping this mouth of mines closed. I am not going to turn blue in the face though. I also won’t get anyone to speak for me, and I wont post a status on social media. Now, if you consider this blog as social media, then so be it. Let me run this by you real quick though. I pay for this here unique, exquisite name, you paying for Facebook?
I’m Just Saying…
Yas!