29…

 

What does success mean to you? -Cara Alwill Leyba

Success to me, well, (Clears throat.) Success to me is successfully fulfilling happiness. Even in the mist of the storms. Even when things aren’t exactly what you want them to be. Even when you yearn for more, you will decide to be happily content until there is more. Even when things don’t go as ‘planned.’ Even, “When it rains it pours.” Just even when, ya know? I don’t want to be married, I want to continue to be happily married. Understand the difference. I want to be a successful wife to a deserving husband. I want to be a successful mother. Where my daughter will know hurt, but never from me. I want to be successful at being quiet. Not everything or eveybody needs or deserves a comment or remark. Ya know? I want to be successful in trusting God when it’s most hard to trust Him. That’s is what success means to me. 

Success can be many of things to different people. Success can be money and fame. Success can be college degrees. Success can mean opening a business. Success can be marriage, baby carriage,  and the white picket fence. There is no right or wrong. It’s all based on opinions and perspective. I just wanted to share with you my first initial thoughts when I read this specific question. Happiness, being a successful wife and mommy, and trusting God. Happiness brings so many bright things. So many new beginnings. “When you love somebody and they love you back.” Feels so good right? *Inhale* And a mothers love. There is no comparison. Being successful at these things is important to me. Trusting God brings an immense of joy that conquers all worries. All fears! You feel me? Am I being too deep?  Or are you not deep enough? When I hear success, these are the things that come to my mind first. 

For those who follow me consistently, (My RLSC followers.) I know you were probably like, “She hasn’t posted anything in a while.” I know. I’ve been really quiet lately huh? Truth be told, 28 was an emotional age for me. Very emotional actually. A lot of death happened. That took a toll on me. People that are very dear to my heart were in pain. Unfixable pain. Undeniable pain. And this is where my pain started flowing in, slowly, but please believe me surely. To see tragedy around you. Like, like really around you is more than a lot.

People, places and things. Right decisions. Wrong decisions. Freedom of emotions. Caged ones. Trying to get people to understand me when I’m trying to get to understand myself. Or maybe people not getting me, because they don’t get themselves. (Tsk. Tsk.) Some people. No, we as people have a fine way of building a character of ourselves, instead of dealing with who we aunthentically are.) Whoa Chile. I literally said our loud one day, “Enough is enough.” I didn’t scream it. I didn’t even say it like I was fed up. I just said it. However, knew I meant it. 

First thing first. I had to get my prayer life back in order. It is so vital to  me to start my day and end my night with God. I don’t care how many mistakes I may make during the day! When I pray in the mornings, and I do mean pray. I’m talking about, “In the mighty name of Jesus” prayer. Afterwards I feel so hopeful. So grateful. I feel protected, motivated and then some! I refuse to answer my phone, text, messages, or open social media sights until after I pray. And in all truth, if it’s a time when I get caught slipping, I’m disappointed in myself. And forreal, I can honestly feel the differnce in my day too. I mean, think about it. Vibes are contagious. It has been times where I have opened texts messages about a friend that may be going through something with her man. And I’m all caught up in something that has absolutely nothing to do with me, but because I genuinely care about my love ones feels. It can be a strong opinion from a complete stranger on Instagram or Facebook that altered your attitude before your pedicure even hit the floor.  It could be someone agreeing to or entertaining something or someone you don’t have much liking to. It could be a comment some simple fool left on your page. And look! Just that fast you already feel like this, that, and the third before you even take your morning pee or brush your teeth. Alot of things are based on perspective in my opinion. When you start ya day off feeling hopeful, thankful, productive and so on. You tend to sleep better at night if I was to say so myself. For one, you aren’t going to bed with the weight of the wolrd on your shoulders. And who can agree that some of that weight has absolutely nothing to do with you? Chile. Let me tell you. I will help you. I will sincerely pray for you. I will sing a song for you, and I will encourage you to be happy in every way you know how to be. I stay away from it Chile. Whatever it is. I stay away from it. “If it ain’t for me Jesus! Keep it away!” I don’t care if it’s a person(s), place, or thing. I don’t want it. I barely comment on certain things these days. I’ve learned my lesson. 🙄 What they say, “Mind the business you getting paid.” Well, honey! Cha- Ching. I am. I done had enough drama in my life. Welcomed and unwelcome that I have completely washed my hands of. Who agrees with me when I say that vibes are real? Real contagious too!

This is kind of random, but ummm. I feel like I can read a person by their body language, demeanor, and disposition better than their actually words. So when someone acts otherwise, I feel as if my intelligence has been insulted. What’s your thoughts on that?

So, yeah, all in all I wanted to make some changes internally. I didn’t like the thought of  walking into my 29 with all the same feelings and perspective I’d been having. I wanted to know the root of my thoughts. My guilt, my ‘failures’ etc. I wanted to know what really makes me happy, and why. (Chuckles.) I thought it was hard getting to know people. Ha. Yeah right. Getting to know me has been one bittersweet season finale type stuff on a regular basis. But in a very peculiar way, I’m enjoying it. So, for those who know me personally, know that I stay with some type of self challenge. I stay, “I’m not going to drink kool-aid for a week.” “I’m going to get up and run every Sunday morning.” “No eating after 7 o’clock during the week day.” I stay up to something all the time. A lot of these things consist of working out, or eating ‘right.’ It’s not so much because I wanted to loose weight, (Which I can’t lie and pretend like I’m not loving my new weight.) but it’s more about self- discipline. Challenging myself to do what I say I’m going to do. And having enough self- discipline to actually do it. That’s something a lot of people battle with. As I still do with somethings. But I take pride in being so much better at disciplining myself. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. 💪🏾

So, one random day, as usual. I came up with the idea to do a “Book Tour.” I wanted to spend the rest of my summer reading an immense amount of books. But because I’m such a book worm, I wasn’t focused on the amount of books I would read this summer. But moreso the type of books I would read. I wanted to read books that would broaden my horizon. Educate me in ways I wasn’t interested in before. My first and always go to books when life is hectic, is my Jesus Calling book. A1! Oh my goodness. (I love that book.) Those short passages will give you so much power. Just a few words can blow an entire mind. I enjoy T.D. JAKES and his family something serious. Joyce Myers is on point too. Oh yeah, one of my new favorites, John Gary! But along with those books, I wanted to open my mind to other readings. Readings that would help me be me, authentically me. Books that would help spark more drive in me to be creative with no hesitations. No fears.

Style Your Mind.” and “Like She Owns the Place.” (Cara Alwill Leyba.) Are two books that stick out to me. I would love to have  all of her books! This summer I read a total of 13 books. I feel so many ways! So many good ways. It’s so amazing to me what a cozy, quiet, candle lit, dim lights, hot tea, or wine will do for you when you’re reading a good book. When I read Adnan Syeds book (That’s a whole other topic of discussion.) I could not sleep. I would roll over to read, “Just one chapter.” Chile! Listen, I look forward to bed time some nights more than others. When Naomi is soundly sleeping and my love bug is beside me in his snoring slumber. It sucks being a night owl and early bird all at the same time. Ugh! 

One emotion, fed another emotion and it just became a domino affect in a way. My books became something I started to really look forward to amongst a few other things that melt my heart.♥️) Educating myself, taking in written down words, writing down my own words. It didn’t even have to necessarily be a self help book that left me tongue tied. It’s more so the perspective of the person who wrote the words in the book that I am reading. To me, reading gives you a profound understanding of people, places, and things. I mean, in all truth and facts. I feel like the best way for someone to get to know me, is by reading my blog. Hell, even if you know me. I feel like my blog will allow someone to get to know me more intimately. Not just what the eye meets. I’m big on understanding and comprehending the differnce between knowing someone and knowing of someone. 

So yeah Chile. That’s what I’ve been doing. Reading, reading, and some more reading. I feel so, so good! My books are my therapy. And the words are my counselor. 29 is umm significant for me. I pray for soooo many things this year. I have hope, I am faithful, and I am ready. 

I read something to the effects of, “If we took the time to work on our inside, like we work on our outside appearance….” You finish the rest. What’s your thoughts? No, forreal though.

I’m Just Saying….

💋

xOxO.

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