Ya know, I was laying in the bed the other morning. Babies still sleep, husbae just left for work, and I just so happened to look around my bedroom. And it made me think about how much my life has changed, drastically. I left Virginia (My home town) in 2014. Here it is 2020. (Wow.) Time flies. So much has happened. So much has changed. I’ve changed. I used to feel a type of way about it. More so guilty I guess you can say. I was trying to hold on to the old me so I could hold on to some old people and old thangs. I honestly feel like the first two years I tried to remain the person I was before I moved, got married, and had a child. The life that I prayed for so hard, happened. Things changed really fast. For me. For us. And boom, just like that I found myself alone. (Military wife life. If you know you know.) My husband and me grew closer. We solely relied on each other for everything. I had great comfort in that. I felt safe. But that didn’t take away from the time I spent alone. Me and our newborn baby. I was away from everything I knew. A foreign place. People I didn’t know. Nothing looked familiar. Nothing but him, but he was at work. So I spent a lot of time getting to know me. I mean to the core. I’m not a really prideful person. I honestly don’t mind asking for help. I will before I ever suffer. However, when there’s no one, what do you do but do you? It was bitter. But oh it was so sweet.
As I was changing I was still trying to remain the same and I didn’t quite understand it. I’ve spent a lot of time alone in my life. In different aspects. (Like before I got married I felt that it was major key to spend time with myself. Ya know, enjoy me.) But being away from home, it’s something different about it. The growth I’ve consumed in myself, my marriage, and as a mother I have fallen in love with. It’s hard sometimes. But the harder the better. (I know that may not make sense, but it’s true.)
When I moved to Cleveland, Ohio I got pregnant fast. And I mean fast. I hadn’t seen my husband (We weren’t married at the time) in two months and I we soon realized how much we missed each other a month later.
I was 12 weeks and three day when I stood in my kitchen over the stood when blood started running down my right leg. I froze. Then I panicked. (I can see it all happening right now.) I had to talk myself, by myself through it. Because I knew freaking out would not do me any good at all. Especially while being alone. At the time we only had one vehicle. I was waiting on my parents to drive my BMW from Virginia to Cleveland once the weather broke. It snowed like crazy in Ohio. And I didn’t want the car I just got two years ago driving through all that mess.
I dropped my husband off at the office (recruiting station) that morning, like I did every morning if I planned on using the car that day. I knew the one thing on his agenda was to attend a high school to speak with the students. That was the worst day for that. I could not get in touch with him to save my life. I didn’t know how much trouble I was in until I called 911 and I didn’t even know my own address. (What the hell!) I drove myself to the nearest clinic that I had passed a few times coming and going to the grocery store or gas station. (I never went to far from home.)
I was crying and screaming. The panic on the receptionist faces was panic and fear as I bled and cried for help walking through the double doors. I had no idea I was at a dialysis clinic. One of the nurses husbands was a fire fighter right, do you know she called her husband on his cell phone and he came with three other fire fighters on a dang fire truck. While I waited they asked me did I want a cup of water. (Haha) Why do people feel like water helps everything in a crisis. (Thank God I can look back and laugh now.) I was scared to death. All I could think about was my baby. I finally arrived at the emergency room and I really felt alone. I’ve never not been able to not call anybody and no one not show up for me. I relied on and cried to complete strangers as I continuously asked about my unborn child.
I had to call a Uber to come get me from the hospital, after going through a thorough procedure to make sure myself and the baby was okay. After getting dropped off at my car, I drove myself home.
There were a few situations that turned into
circumstances that my husband had to meet me at because he wasn’t already there. Through the circumstances of our new life together we held tight to one another. We were all we had. And we trusted each other. Our backs pressed against one another taking on life as it came.
There were times I would go and just sit at the office with my husband and his colleagues (Marines) while they worked. I really couldn’t interact with my husband but I enjoyed breathing the same air as him. (I have truly learn to appreciate even the smallest thangs.) I would order from the Chinese spot next door, I would munch down on my food, and just hang out until I no longer could stand recruiting duty talk.
I‘ve learned a lot about me, things, people, and differences, since I’ve been out here in this world away from home.
Home is home. But I’ve made so many places home with my family living this military life style. For some people it’s the worse part. But for me it’s the best.
P.S. Happy New Year to you and yours. May God bless you with all of your wishes and wants this year!
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