Stop barking up trees you know you won’t build a house in.”
What in the world is going on? Literally! I mean, even when I was single and dating it was bad, but I’m like is it getting worse by the year? I’ve only been married for two. Marriage is work, and exactly what you put into it, is what you will get out of it. And that can mean different thins to whomever, but yeah. Despite of what some people view of marriage and say what it is and what it isn’t, I am thankful to God that I met my superman and we stand side by side to the storms of life pass us by. I believed in that then, I believe it now, and I believe it for my future, our future.
I enjoyed being single at some point in my life. I can’t really say that I took the time, fully to get to know myself. Well, let me reword that. I did take time for myself, just not the way I thought I would and why I would once I became single. In all truth, Rob was always some where implanted in my brain. And those who know me, the old me, and the new me, knows that Rob has always been, Rob. Real talk. Juuuuust maybe one day I will share the real with you.
I got to really know myself when I came in contact with pain. I learned what I could bare and what could take me down. My strengths. My weaknesses. I got to know, me. In my opinion, I feel like knowing yourself is very, very important. And being honest with what you know, is major key. I stood strong for what I would stand for, what I would put up with, and what I would not from a man. I had a list of things that had to be a definite and things that were not to be overlooked. I knew what my expectations where and I also knew what would I would not tolerate at all. We all put up with a certain level of mess from the people we love. But there is a line! At the age of 21, 22 I took time with God to learn the true inner me. I knew one day I wanted to be married, and yes almost more than anything. And I believed in also treating my spouse with the upmost respect I demanded and expected. I am tripping right now because I am like how did I get here when I’m suppose to be talking about this thing that is the thing now. This whole, friends, thing. Like what is that?! Even now being married, when a guy tries to hit on me and I specify very stern and clearly that I am married, and he’s like, “I mean, we can just friends.”
What! Boy get out of here!!! How long was it before you got off ya mommies titty before she taught ya simple self anything? I mean really! Friends! Boy please! Get ya tied tail up out of here with that nonsense. I got friends!! And you know dog on well, that you ain’t trying to be friends. People use that word just as loosely as they use the word love. What is it with folk these days?
Now I ain’t even going to trip and act like I didn’t fall victim to the whole friend thing, because I did, a couple of times. But you know who I’ve never accepted the friend crap, mess from? Rob. Chi!! Listen, that’s that line I was talking about earlier. It’s one thing for a knuckle head to want girlfriend expectations but doesn’t want to be ya man. But for I guy I’m actually in love with to break up with me, and still wanted to be friends. Rob tried it. Tried it! That was half our issue for years. I’m not settling for that garbage, no! Shoot. But as you can see, I’ve lost many, many battles, but I won the war!
It’s so terrible how people wil use love and like as a means to get what they want from someone they only tolerate. It’s all about getting what is convenient for them.
One of my favorite bibles verses says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do, flows from it.” There may be a few ways you could take that, but I hope you get the gist.
I think it’s petty ridiculous how people incorporate the things that they do for a situationship, for a friend. For example, someone, a friend whoever, may ask you what ya’ll are and you say, “Oh, we just talking.” Talking about what??!! The sad part about this is you don’t want to just talk, but you just go along with what he wants until he figures it out.
I mean, how long do you have to talk to someone to know whether you want to be with them or not? And to me, speaking for myself, 6 months is too long. I didn’t say we need to get married in 6 months. But I do expect you to know whether I’m play or stay! Like, what the world. (Yes, what the world.) There are two types of men in this world, those that know, and those that don’t. People will string you along to their convenience, and it is not cool. Men and women! People will approach you just as confident and with the upmost sincerity making you think they’re coming at you with certainty of what they want. Some folks can’t make it a month without folding. Knowing dog on well that the motive wasn’t to be anything with you, but friends. YOU BET NOT MESS WITH NOTHING OR NOBODY EITHER! You know I ain’t lying. You know when you dealing with a guy and he done started stuttering because you done asked him, “So, what is this? What are we?” And boooy! Cat got his tongue. And there you are thinking, this ain’t the same guy that had so much to say when he approached me. I’m telling you, people need to stop playing games. But I guarantee you if he knew, heck, if he even thought for one second, one second, that you were entertaining someone else, your (bleep) would be grass. You feel me? True story:
So, Rob and me were still talking, when he and I both were like still dating other people. Ya, know. Like we hung out for the weekend, or sometimes even almost a week. But it went without saying, that at some point if either one of us happened to start talking to someone else, then it was what it was. We weren’t in a committed to each other. We just loved each other like no other, and just couldn’t leave each other alone. Crazy thing is, we knew the situation, but we didn’t really like the rules. That is what it was at that point. So yeah, I was dating a 2 year Resident that also worked at the hospital I was working at, at the time. We had just got to know each other a little bit. A date here. A date there, nothing serious. Nothing physical had even happened. And for real, I liked the guy. So, I was pretty content at the time. But, yet and still, there is that Rob. I love him, I can’t stop thinking about him, he’s always on my mind. I was so over trying to psych myself out of thinking I no longer loved him. I mean, pretending wasn’t going to change the reality of the situation. I’m telling you though, it was just something about that dog on Rob chile. So, of course, naturally to me, I’m still talking to him, and we still are spending a decent amount of time with each other. And I was no fool. Even though there was no indication of another female, I knew he was at least doing the same thing, maybe more, just like I was doing. But somehow we always ended up with each other every weekend. So!!! Let me tell you! One night, at the club that was near where he was stationed, I mean like, not even 20 minutes from base probably. We were out with friends, like I said at the local club, lounge, whatever. It was friends of Rob that I had met through him. Pretty cool people, I guess. Married couples, mostly. So, we all were out that night, and we even met people at the club too. Hold up. back up, back up. Before we left to go to he club, that whole day before, we all hung out. We went to IHOP that morning and everything. The guys hung out, while the ladies chit chatted about God knows what. I can’t remember. But God only knows I can imagine about what! So far, the weekend was going good. At some point later on that day, the guy I’m dating from the hospital had called me. Rob saw it!! He saw his name come across the phone chile! He didn’t say anything at the moment, but I know him too well. I knew he felt some type of way. So look, I answered the phone and talked to the guy and everything, right! I probably on the phone with him for about 7 minutes maybe. Why did I do that? He was pissed off!!!! He was so mad! You hear me? Like I said, he didn’t really say much when it happened. But like I said, I know him. I was trying to figure out his thought process though. So, as it gets later in the night and everyone is starting to get dressed to get ready to go out, I still ain’t heard from Rob. I know he’s mad. So, we are all headed to the club and still, there is no Rob. I’m just like whatever at this point. I gets to the club and he’s already there with a few other guys. We made eye contact. And I know that look, so I just head off with the girls to do my own thing since he was acting all crazy. At some point we all were in the club together. Everyone talked amongst each other, except for Rob and me. We just kind of talked around each other. Childish! I’m mad at Rob, my home girl mad about something her man then done. Once again we all part ways and start doing our own thing again. I was still on the dance floor dancing and Rob was over by the bar. I was adamant about talking to him at this point. I decide to walk my tail from side of the club to the other and comfort him. As I approach him at the bar, he starts to walk away from me towards the dance floor. It was just too much. So now I’m mad now! I keep trying to get his attention, AND HE IGNORES ME!!! Chiiiile!! You talking about mad! Oh, I’m fired up now! But I’m trying to remain cool. So he goes on the dance floor now, and I see a girl approaching. Honey, I walked right up to him while that girl was dancing on him and starting fussing him out. We argued so bad on that dance floor the girl just stopped dancing and walked away. This fool (past tense.) is going to say, “You going to talk to another (bleep) in front of me. That’s disrespectful man. I wouldn’t do that to you,” I started to look around me and behind me to see who he was talking too. I’m like, I know, he ain’t talking to me!
Now listen, it maybe someone that fully agrees with Rob. Like look, I love hanging out with you. I love you. But we ain’t together. So we can talk to other people. This is basically what he said, in other words. But he was mad at me though! And he was the one that said it!!! But, now He mad because I’m talking to someone else. And he so petty! Petty Wap, Petty Pendegrass, Petty LaBelle’, Petty Jackson! He was legit mad!! When I knew he was talking to someone else at the time too. And guess what? After all that drama, it hadn’t even been a month yet, before we left everything new alone, to find our way back to each other. We were silly. I ain’t lying. I’m just blessed that we can look back and laugh at it now though. 😉
So, with all that being told. What I’m saying is this here. Don’t you see how people want something for nothing. Crazy! But I can’t trip though, cause I have done it too. I mean, truth be told, I would leave someone in a minute for Rob.
This whole, “What’s understood, doesn’t need to be explained.” IS BOGUS…MMMM….K!What the heck does that mean? Chile please. I’m not trying to hear all of that. To me, that is like me going to work 12 hours a day, 5 days a week and not getting paid for it. It’s levels to this! The same way I went to school to graduate, is the same way I expected to date with a purpose! Being in limbo is one of thee worst feelings ever. All that, “I don’t know. I’m not ready yet. I really like you though. I’m not going anywhere. Man, I just got a lot going on.” Well, why didn’t you keep your tail by yourself with all that mess then? Isn’t it the ones that always pursue you that act like they didn’t come and disturb your peace! They be knowing dog on well that they knew all that when they approached you. I always use to say, “People need to be honest, and just tell it as it really is.” Now, yes I do believe that honesty is key. In all relationships. But in my opinion I don’t think that that is the issue. People’s actions don’t really line up with what they’re saying. Like for instance, you are unsure about being in a relationship at the time, “I need some time.” But you meeting family members, the kids, whining and dinning, all types of relationship stuff. Folks will lick you from your rooter to ya tooter, but don’t want to commit. How you going to pay a cell phone bill but you ain’t trying to be in a relationship with her, or the other way around, he ain’t trying to be with you. What the world. Yes, you read correct. What. The. World. That’s just craziness. But I do feel at some point in our lives, we’ve all done it, to some extent, for the sake of love and like. Now! I ain’t paying no bills now. That I did not do. Oh, no. I will shelve horse poop if that meant providing for my family and having my husbands back. But anything outside of that, is out of sight. I was never in the business of taking care of a man. My dad would probably whoop me.
Listen, it doesn’t get any realer than this! And yes, I said, realer! If you want it, you’ll find it a way. If you don’t, you’ll find every excuse not to. Straight up! Straight up! All that, this and that mess, all that other stuff, save it for ya mama. To whom much is given, much is required. SOOOOOO! You don’t want me to be your girlfriend, or ya wife, but you want me to do everything that only a girlfriend or a wife is required to do. Some woman is out here now, done slaved at work all day, hustling, got the baby fed, bathed, and in bed, and now they’re cooking a full course meal for the same guy that constantly tells you he doesn’t want anymore from you then what it is right now. And yet you still allow this man in ya house just a little after 11 o’clock tonight. Why? Why? When you want something bad enough in life, you will have it! Or die trying to get it. So, tell me what’s the problem. There is an excuse after an excuse of reasons that you have already heard before coming at you. Like really, what does, “I’m stressed out.” have to do with the cost of tea in China, but he can still come over and have sex with you every other night. Why? You know that this is not really all his fault right. He will do to you want you allow him too. Instead of demanding so much from him. Try demanding a lot more for yourself. People see you how you see yourself. If you don’t take you seriously, no one will. It’s all up to you. When you truly learn to like and love yourself, you wont tolerate or accept nothingness from nothingness people.
People will take you out to dinner, have sex with you, NO CONDOM, will go down on you like there is no tomorrow, let you meet his Momma, Sister, Brother, Uncle, and all four Aunties, and still he wants to be friends! After all of that he still doesn’t make you his significant other. Like it’s no big deal, when it is. And now you feel like it isn’t either, because he has brained washed you into thinking such.
Some folks doing so much for their friends that it’s just crazy!! And then why would you ever think that he would make the decision of making you his girlfriend when you already doing everything that is above your paid grade. If ya get what I’m saying. At one point when are you going to not even care if he asks you or not. After everything that he has shown you so far? Are you not turned off yet?
As women I feel like we blame men for everything. But don’t take accountability for our own actions that lead men to think that they can treat a woman any type of way. Which for so many people is for things that you chose to continue to take. As women, we demand so much respect from men, but don’t have any of respect for ourselves. People, including men, will treat you how you allow them too. Don’t just take it! Remember, this is the same person who can’t even specify what he wants and who he wants you to be to him, but you walk on eggs shells with him because you’re afraid that he will leave you. BYE! Don’t ever be so loyal to some one, that you are no longer loyal to yourself.
You allow a man to have you how they want to have you. Where’s that line? So many women are in situations that they “don’t know” because they don’t ask questions! So, therefore he has already made a choices for you, simply because you’re mute. The whole I am just going to wait and see is overrated at some point and time. Will you go to work and just see if you will get paid in two weeks? I’m Just Saying.
Listen, I’m all for people fighting for a relationship. You know the devil doesn’t want anyone to be all in love and happy. So, at the end of the day happiness and togetherness is the end goal. But when you are just and object to someone, why do you stay and fight? You’re fighting for someone who is a priority to you, buuuut you’re only an option to them. What are you fighting for? It really trips me out when a married couple fights for their marriage, for better or for worse, but they get criticized and ridiculed for it. (Now, I’m not saying at all that you point up with whatever in a marriage, so don’t let the be a defense to what I am saying.) Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you have women out here fighting for some one who doesn’t even belong to them. Someone who did all it took to get you, but not to keep you. The truth is always in how you feel.
And, when someone shows you who they’re, believe them. -Mya Angelou.
I’m Just Saying…..