How many of ya’ll are Pintrest folks? When I tell you that Pintrest is my jaaa-zaaaaam! IT. IS. MY. JAM! When I tell you that Pintrest is my go to. When all fails, scroll Pintrest. I have soo many boards it doesn’t even make sense. I love it though. I have a board that is called, “Blog” it is filled with things that can educate me pertaining to things that can help me expand RedLipstickandCammies. The do’s and the don’ts that come with having a blog. I also look up quotes that will also give me blog topics. Ya know, that type of stuff. So, one day, or night I ran across this:
5 Things To Quite Right Now:
1. Trying to please everyone.
2. Fearing Change.
3. Living in the Past.
4. Putting Yourself Down.
5. Overthinking.
Now! I know this seems so repetitive. This here talk about attitudes and happiness and such. But I feel as if it’s a need. I mean what’s wrong with a little pep talk. It definitely beats complaining all the time. So, here we go. Today just may be the day that you need this!
It’s almost an every other day when we say things like, ‘Oh, I don’t care.” Or how about the one where people are like, I am happy. I don’t have time for that mess, blah, blah, blah. But! Yet and still, you know if someone could read your thoughts or feel your emotions, everything about you would say, I’m living in the past everyday of my life. Especially on the days when I am angry. Something is always wrong. I think the worse about everything. I complain about anything.But! You claim you’re happy though. How many people do you know that have a over flow of dreams and wants, but they’re tied up, and another year has come and gone and they are still, still? How many times will you lie to yourself, because you know the shame that you would feel if everyone knew how you really felt about a person or a situation that you claim you don’t care about. BUT! Whenever you’re angry, that person, place, or thing seems to always come up. Do you just jump to conclusions before analyzing a situation rationally? You always assume things about other people. But! If someone assumed things about you, you’d be furious. Do you go from zero to one hundred real quick? Lets just go ahead and get right to it, again.
- Trying To Please Everyone. (Clears throat.)
Why? Why? Why do you do it? First of all, its truly impossible to please everyone. So if this is you, let me just go right on a head and tell you. You will run yourself ragged if you try and please people. In all honesty, this right here is really not a problem for me. And no, I am not just saying this just to seem like, whatever. Trust me, I am on this list of things somewhere, mmm…k. But this one right here, no. This is where one of my insecurities fall in. I always seem to feel at fault for others handicaps when I don’t extend my helping hand any longer when a situation is not beneficial to me. I know that sounds pretty messed up, huh? Well, let me explain. See, I am a true believer in, to whom much is given much is required. Now, I am not a, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your back type of person only. But I get really, what’s the word, exhausted, yes, exhausted. I get really exhausted with still people. I just can’t deal. Life is hard. But I do believe it can always be worse. So in the midst of all the sorrow, hurt, pain, I look for the light of hope that will keep me. There is so many people who demand so much out of their lives, and yet they aren’t the change that their life needs. Everybody else is at fault for how they feel. Shame on you. So when it comes to insanity, I am not good with that. I will literally, LITERALLY give someone the shirt off my back if they need it. I promise you I would. But! My question to you is, how long do I have to walk around shirtless before you get your own. Now, please, don’t misconstrue what I said. When I give, I am not looking for anything in return. God has blessed me toooo much for me to be concerned about those things. What I am saying is this here, how many times are you going to keep asking me for shirts and I keep giving them too you before I realize I am just like you, still. Still pacifying you. Listen. As much as we love some people we can’t be worried about people who ain’t (no typo.) worried about themselves. Your child may be an acceptance. But! Daddy. momma, brother, sister, cousin, aunties, whomever! If it is not giving you peace, then sometimes you have to take a step back. You can love people and not allow them to drain you. You’re not wrong for that. I feel blessed to have people in my life. And good people at that. But! What good is it to have a room full of people who couldn’t help you when you desperately need them? Doesn’t it hurt when you need people and no one, nobody is around? And I am not just talking about money. I’m talking about a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, some genuine criticism. Ya know, stuff like that. I am not big on spreading myself thin for people who always have their hands out to receive but to never give. I don’t know about you, BUT after I continuously deal with folk who are over and over again people, I become turned off by them from the lack of positive change, but the constant speaking negative. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but these things can stealthily creep right up on you. Talk to a negative person from Monday to Sunday and see if you don’t feel washed out and drained by the upcoming Monday. Life is too short to complain and be bottled up about situations. I say my peace, and delete or block. And forreal, it may be both. I don’t have time, and I will not make time for it. You’ll be up in the house trying to have revival for yourself. If you aren’t careful, before you realize it, you’ll be just like the very people you claim to hate.
After awhile you will start to feel cheated by people and life. When you consistently help someone for years, over and over again you start to feel used, no matter how much you love this person. Remember, I am not solely speaking about money. Some people aren’t up for change. No matter how much they state it. We all have are battles. But! Working on them for positive change is always a blessing.
Some people complain while they still, give, give, give. Now, in all truth you are part of the problem! Listen, it’s okay to say no! It’s okay to walk away from people if they exhaust you and wear you out mentally. Saying no now (to some people) is like a spit in the face because people will remember your one no, before they remember all your yeses! And because of that they will remind you every chance they get. BUT! Guess what? That’s their problem. Not yours. Listen. Listen. It is okay that they may be a family member. The whole, “Families need to stick together.” Doesn’t translate, “Family can use you up. Talk to you any kind of way. Treat you like a stranger off the street.” MMM…K? Mmmm.K! That’s why so many make friends and make them family. Hey, I am wherever I am loved, genuinely.
**SELFISH- HAVING OR SHOWING CONCERN ONLY FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FOR THE NEEDS OF FEELINGS OF OTHER PEOPLE. **
Now reading that is like dang, it’s not cool to be selfish. And in a lot of ways it is not!! Depending on how you carry selfishness you may or not be a very nasty person in attitude. But! Being selfish will keep you from those who have the nasty attitude. In some situations and circumstances you need it. I’m here to tell you, I am selfish. I am. I’ll just put it like this. My fuse is short for some. And longer for others. I do not have time. Life is precious and time is too short to be handing out TIME (especially,) money, advice, ya heart, ya home, ya whatever, to people who are going to have more excuses tomorrow for you around the same time they did yesterday. Am I wrong? You know that person who calls you and you look at your phone and say, “What now?” “I’ll call them back.” You either hit silent, or decline. And you know when you say you’re going to call them back, you don’t. Because guess what, they are going to drain you and ya battery with nonsense! And if you do decided to call them back, you don’t have too. They done already called you back ready to complain at some point about something or someone. I swear some folks going to just die angry as crap. If they could talk to you from the casket they would be cursing you out. When I tell you my top, my first, my everything, my priority over anyone or anything is my daughter. So if I allow you to cut into my time, then I am cutting into her time. And that is not an option. Maybe years ago when I didn’t know whether I was coming or going I would entertain it. Not these days.
So, either you will be a glutton to pain or you won’t. The decision is all yours!
I’m just going tot leave that there. I’m Just Saying.
Moving on to the next.
How do you feel about number two? Change.
2. Fearing Change.
Is this you? Are you just straight up living in fear? Do you try and embed your fear into other people? Does fear keep you up a night? When you lay awake at night do you think of all the things that you can achieve in ya life? Or do you think of everything that could go wrong, that why you can’t achieve it? Do you make a to do list in ya head of all the tings that can make you whole? Or do you think of everything that makes me everything but whole? Or does your brain spark with unoriginal ideas? Are you talking to God? Or! Are you thinking of everything that can go wrong in ya life? In ya loved ones life? Why do you allow the devil to tip toe and tap dance on your thoughts? Why is it okay that you speak evil, see evil, hear evil, but you want peace of mind and joy in your heart? In my opinion, you will never be whole if you live ya life in fear. Should you live cautiously, of course. Don’t be stupid. God gave you wisdom, use it. But! Let me tell you what God did not give you! He did not give you the spirit of FEAR! God gave us the spirit of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND. A SOUND MIND! Not the mind of what isn’t, and what ain’t.Not the mind the mind of couldn’ts and cant’s. Fear will paralyze you and the people around you because you are not willing to do anything so everyone around you feels as if they can’t either. Are you happy living a life of fear? I rather live a life with failures of trying, then to live a life of, “What ifs.” Life is too short to concern yourself with all the, “But what if this happens?” Anyone who knows me knows, I am one of thee most cautious person there is. BUT! If you also know me, you know that I know who keeps me. And when I tell you I trust that God will keep me and my family safe upon my request and prayers to Him. I trust it. There are a lot of things in life that are bigger than you. You cannot fix, piece together, keep from, or stop somethings, heck, most things in life from happening. But you can control what you allow to breath fear into you. STOP! THIS! CRAZINESS! If you want to move across the country with a $5 bill in ya back pocket! Do it!!! Do it!! Stop listening to what everyone has to say and do it. Because I see a world of people who did the unthinkable to live up to their wildest dreams. And I am here to tell you if you listen to FEAR and people with fear installed in them, the people who hang out with fear 24/7 will tell you not to either. You better move with power and wisdom in ya mind and go get everything that the devil has taken from you . One of my closets friends got up and moved from one area to another. Technically another state may I say. I remember this trying time in her life. We’ve been sister/friends forever and although we have both shared our hardships and amazing moments in our lives together. This time in her life is one time I knew she was exhausted from not knowing what was going to happen. I know she was stressed, scared, and even though she had loved ones surrounding her, I also know that she felt alone. But! I know despite everything she saw that wasn’t there yet, the way she wanted it to be, she knew and knows that God kept her through this and through that. And she has no problem telling you that either. She always walked by faith even on the craziest days. I was proud of her then, and I am still proud of her now. Hey! Like I always say, God got you through that thing last year, and the drama two years ago, the disappointment about a week ago, the bill that got paid randomly some how, out of no where about a day ago. The same God that’s been doing it for her over and over and over and over and over again will do it again this time too. After the long haul of saving money and stepping out on faith this beautiful sista of mines done got her a fly tail career and is about to buy her a house and the chile ain’t even thirty yet. Let me tell you about Jesus. When you give Him a little bit, He will give you a lot. Walk by faith, and not by sight. You will never be whole living in fear. You will never be fulfilled if you listen to other people who are showered in fear. Keep thinking that you can’t accomplish something because it seems so far out of reach. I want my daughter to always be aware of the cruel things that live amongst of us in this world. I pray against her being gullible or naïve. I want her to be bold and all she does. To live in love, with peace and joy in her heart and that she knows in the weakest moments in her life where her strength comes from. I still have people asking me how I did it, or how I do it. I moved from Virginia to Ohio. Not a single job lined up, left school, and some more chile. But! Let me tell you I got double for all that stressful trouble in literally not even a month. If I listened to fear, or the people embedded in it, I promise you that I would be living a life that I didn’t want for myself, always wondering, “What if.” That’s not my style. I can’t go out like that. I would have never felt whole if I allowed the maybes, and the what ifs to take me out. I really pray that if you’re living in fear that you overcome it, because you will never be whole.
3. Living in the Past.
I wrote a blog(s) recently, “What He Said” and “Shoot! Have Your Own Pep Rally!” about this. I encourage you to read it. Here is a prayer for you and your troubles. God bless you!!
Lord,
Empty me of me so I can be filled with you. Lord, empty me of the selfishness inside. Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride. And any foolishness my heart holds to. LORD EMPTY ME OF ME SO I CAN BE FILLED WITH YOU! Amen.
4. Putting Yourself Down.
Chile let me tell you! I have done this up and down all around. And truth be told, I did it a lot when I was pregnant and after I had my daughter. I just did not feel like me at all. At all!!!! I mean, I know pregnancy can be a little rough on ya, but I was liiiiiike, “Oh my gosh!” It was a bit much. Truth be told I always downed myself all the time. I talked about my nose. I called my myself a whale. I just felt blah. Nothing compared to the way I downed myself after I had Naomi. I felt sooooo outside of myself. I was over 200 pounds when I came home from the hospital. With a beautiful, healthy baby and I was so concerned with how “ugly” I was. I felt so uncomfortable with my weight, and my C-Section scar wasn’t even visible at the time because my stomach was still so full like I was still carrying a baby. I breast fed, so my boobs where full, heavy, and hurting. I could barely move without help. I just did not feel like me. My husband uplifted me and he always told me I was beautiful, and that wasn’t even good enough for me deep down. I was a mess down bust down. I couldn’t start working out at all due to the C- Section. I felt hopeless. Not to mention I couldn’t go on a diet with me breastfeeding. I had to eat to keep up my strength, even when I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t eat one time after breast feeding and I promise you I thought I was going to pass out. It was a lot. But!! You know what? All that craziness was the devil. And I say that because God is not the author of confusion. On any level. And He is not anything that pertains to pain, and hurt. I downed myself because I was so concerned what I looked like to myself, to my husband, and other people because I didn’t, “snap back.” Here I was a new mommy, with a loving husband who is a heck of a father, and a beautiful, beautiful, baby girl worried about nonsense. Nonsense!!! Crazy!! I put myself down so bad even when I got cleared to workout. I would look at myself and just further down myself even when I was in the gym working out. “How will I ever get back to the way I was before.” I failed to realize at the time that I was not the same anymore. I am a mother now. A woman who gave birth to s child. It’s beauty all in that itself. And I know now that is fine. Perfectly, fine! I was so fixated on the wrong things then.
Change can be good, depending on your mind set. When there are crisis in life, small or big, we tend to complain a lot. But! What does that do? Ask yourself what is complaining about something going to change. When I got my mind right and started having the same push mentally that I had physically, I started to see change. My attitude changed. That when my body changed. I thought I would never feel like this again after I had my child. BUT GOD!!! I started speaking life into myself, and everything I wanted around me. Listen. You are far too blessed to be worry about the outward appearance of yourself. When you love yourself from the depths of your soul you won’t be concerned with all of that. I do believe in the saying, “When you look good, you feel good.” That is true. But! When you have joy in your heart and peace in your mind those things wont concern you. Stop calling yourself ugly, fat, bald headed, whatever. (Cause Chile, my edges got snatched after Naomi.) If you want change seek it. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Stop putting yourself down and expecting everyone else to uplift you. Do you know a lot of people see you how you see yourself? If you don’t take yourself serious, then no one will. You can’t expect people to love you whole heartedly if you don’t love yourself. We expect gallon love from other folks, but we only have a pint worth of love for ourselves. You’re only as great to people as you’re to yourself. Love comes from within. This is something that I learned after my daughter. I always thought I had the most self-esteem for myself. Lies!! I didn’t. I sure didn’t. Even being a married woman I know I cannot just solely rely on my husband to love me. How could I fully love him with that thought process. I am so in love with him, and he is so in love with me. I know this. But! What good is all that love I have for him and he has for me, if I do not love myself first. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Always keep that in mind!
5. Overthinking.
YOU WILL DRIVE YOURSELF SILLY!!! I have. God knows I have. Honestly, now, I don’t overthink as much as I use too. I use to be horrible when it came to over analyzing things. I really do think because I’m married now. It sounds crazy. I know. When I was single and dating I would overthink everything and everyone. Come on, I know this is just not me! The when’s, the what’s if, and what it is, ya know, that whole thing. My brain was always on the go. “What does he want?” “When is he going to ask the big question?” “What is his motive?” I would think this, and I would think that. It was a mess. Now, I just be chilling. It is what it is. And things will be what they will be. My faith in God is a lot stronger as well. I know that that also plays a major part in things as well. And I trust God for whatever I need and whatever I want. I’ve always been someone who checks for details, and motives. And as much as I talk, I am always listening. But! I don’t rack my brain about things that aren’t beneficial to me, or my family. This is something that I have worked hard on and hard at. So if there is ever any indication of a distraction, I let it be. I literally do not have time to overthink and worry about something that is going to happen, or isn’t. I use to lay awake late at night always thinking about this and thinking about that. And at some point everything I thought about turned into something bad in my mind. Check this. I have had some days where I felt like life was just ov-ver! MMM…K. To be this blessed and fortunate with everything tiny to homogenous, I refuse to let hardships, pettiness, petty folks, lack of self-awareness folk, still folk, to ruin what God has graciously and abundantly blessed me with! I cannot. Things can always be worse. And that’s what I always tell myself when I feel like things are at there worse! Always have your hopes up. Stop making excuses for you lack of happiness. Live darling! Live!
EXCUSES ARE THE TOOLS OF THE WEAK AND INCOMPETENT. USED TO BUILD MONUMENTS OF NOTHINGNESS. THOSE WHO EXCEL IN IT SELDOM EXCEL IN ANYTHING ELSE BUT EXCUSES.
I’m Just Saying…