I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
“Jesus please, this cannot be happening again.” Was the first thing I said when I found out my baby had jaundice and had to be transported to the NICU. It was like everything was repeating itself. Except it was a different health issue, with a different child, at a different hospital and location. I have to see my little baby in the NICU again? It’s like my head started to hurt instantly. Do I have to feel this rush of panic again? The feeling is unexplainable, and as a parent I felt so helpless.
It’s like everything just stood still around me. I could literally hear my own heart beat. I had Eliana at 8:20 Tuesday morning and by 10:00 that night we were told that her jaundice number was high and that she needed to go under the light. I so dreaded those words. Not again. Why couldn’t everything be normal? Ya know, have the baby, spend a few days in the hospital, and then go home. I don’t know what that’s like. I didn’t experience that with Naomi and sadly I went through it again with Eliana. I was scared, sad. Every worse thought came to my mind.
“Newborn jaundice is not harmful most of the time. For most babies, jaundice will get better without treatment for 1 to 2 weeks. A very high level of bilirubin can damage the brain. This is called kernicterus.”
Wednesday morning, about 11 o’clock or so, I was in my room napping. Rob (My husband.) went with the baby to go get her blood drawn to see her jaundice levels. Her poor little feet got pricked so many times during this process. (They’re healed now. Like it neva happened.) The doctor walked in apologizing for waking me up. I had bigger problems then being waken from my slumber. Little did I know what I was about to hear. She told me that Eliana needed to be transported to Luma Linda University Hospital where she would receive proper care just in case something went wrong. It wasn’t like she was in dyer need of help, they were more so being conscious. But that’s not exactly what I heard. I can handle a lot. But if I am ever in a weakened state, let it be pertaining to my babies. I’m sure any parent can justify my claims to that.
After we spoke with the pediatrician, my doctor came in to speak to me to see if he was going to discharge me or not. I started taking my gown off right there! Yep! Sure did. I didn’t care who was in the room and I mean that. I mean, everyone had already seen me from my rooter to my tooter anyways! So whateva. All I knew at the time was that I was going wherever my baby was going. And that was that! Period. There wasn’t going to be any if, ands, or buts about it. I didn’t care if I just had surgery yesterday or not. Mmmkay. My doctor asked me what was my level of pain and I told him 1. He knew I was lying. But he couldn’t, nor could anyone else make me stay there. Yes, I was in serious pain. I could hardly walk. But the pain I felt in my heart and the worry I had for my little newborn baby was off the charts. So honestly I didn’t really care how I felt. Which looking back I know put a lot of pressure on my husband. But he neva tried to stop me because he knew if he was me he wouldn’t stay eitha.
Luma Linda’s transportation arrived at Eliana’s bedside about 1 o’clock p.m. It was a man and woman. While the guy prepped Eli for her hour and forty three minute ride down the highway. The patient and sweet lady asked my husband and I questions and gave us knowledge about Eliana’s situation. I must say, she gave me great relief. Because I was on a thousand prior to meeting her. She took me down a few notches. We packed up our thangs, stopped by the house real quick, and we hit the road. The paramedics were nice enough to send pictures of Eliana on the ride, letting us know her status, and their location as we traveled down the highway. Sleep was the only thang that gave me some peace on that car ride.
We arrived at Ronald McDonalds house to arrange for our stay. (We has to be checked in by a certain time.) Then we made our way to the hospital. The hospital was very close. Like walking distance. My husband dropped me off at the emergency room while he parked the car. I stood up while I waiting for Rob to meet back up with me. I didn’t want to sit down knowing it would be a task just to stand back up.
My nerves were shot to hell as my husband wheel chaired me to the third floor, the NICU. I walked in the room, and I was okay I thought.Then I saw my baby laying there under this blue light with a IV in her hand. I started to cry. I held it in as best as I could. But my emotions got the best of me. I just stood there, looking down at her as I prayed and cried. I didn’t want Eli to feel my fear so I quickly got myself together while I questioned the nurse about her status.
I was worried. But real talk and I do mean this. My husband is my rock. He handles everything with such, with such equanimity. Now, I’m aware that he is tore up inside too. I mean how couldn’t he be. But because he composes himself to keep me afloat is a real blessing to me. It’s the little thangs I tell ya.
Let me tell you something though. I grew up in church. I sung in the choir, ushered, did church plays, participated in Saturday church functions, all of that. I even remember praying at the age of eleven and knowing some Bible scriptures by heart. However, I only knew Jesus to be what everyone else said He was. As I got older my faith in God grew. (Lord knows the older I got I needed Him more.) It waivered from time to time. Especially the times when thangs didn’t go my way. It’s been countless times that God has shown me that He is real. But listen, when Naomi went to the NICU I found a new relationship with God. Being a parent, being a mom with a child that needs help and you can’t help them is a different type of pain. I needed help. So, I would pray nonstop asking God to help me and He did! I will forever be grateful for that. Regardless of that being four years behind me, it’s a feeling I won’t eva forget. Little did I know that when I was packing my baby bags to go to the hospital that I wouldn’t be packing for the situation that would come. But if I don’t know anything else in this here world. I know God is the same God He was yesterday and the day before that! So, if He did it one time with one Naomi. He would do it this time for Eliana. I trusted that! I believed that whole heartedly and I did not let down.
I prayed to get pregnant for so long, so long. It was painful every negative preagnancy test. (Check out my blog post, “Why Am I Not Getting Pregnant?) And then BOOM, February I took a test and it was positive. I was super duper happy. I made it through every trimester. Every test came back good. Every ultra sound looked good, and we made it through the C-section. I know God didn’t answer my ongoing prayers just to break me in the end. I stood on that. I didn’t waiver in my faith not once. This situation was to close to me to be going back and forth with what I knew God could do. I didn’t have time to. I don’t believe in luck. I believe in blessings. And that is what I needed Chile!
We arrived at the hospital on a Wednesday I was in ALOT of pain. Wednesday and Thursday was the WORST! Whew Chile. I mean the worst. The days after were pretty bad, but yeah, Wednesday and Thursday were by far the worst. I would spend my days at the house in our room, pumping breast milk, and laying around. My husband would go see Eli about 12 o’clock in the afternoon til about 4 o’clock in the evening. He would come back to the room, cater to me, we’d eat and then he would take me to go see her at 8 o’clock at night. I hated not being able to be there as much as Rob was there, but I was also thankful to have him and him being able to be there. I would visit Eliana every night at 8 o’clock and stay with her until 9:30 ish. I would stay as long as my body would allow me to. Rob would then take me back to the house, bathe me, get me comfy and cozy before he would haul breast milk back to Eli. He would leave about 11:30 at night and return about 4 o’clock in the morning. I barely slept from praying and pumping. He would sneak and send me pictures of her. We had to put your cell phone in a little plastic bag, (One of the rules.) and you can only take pictures and videos of your baby. No texting and talking on the phone was allowed. I was happy that Eliana didn’t spend her nights alone. I couldn’t be with her, but her DaDa was, and God Himself of course. And for the time being I was good with that.
We kept that routine up until she was discharged on Sunday. (You know I had a praise break Chile.) She had been off the light for a day and a half and they wanted to do observations on her without it. Look at God! Look at God! That right there ain’t no luck. You hear me!? Say what ya wanna say! The coast was clear! Eliana’s jaundice levels were down. I cried tears of joy. I didn’t care who heard me! I cried thank You Jesus to the roof tops. I looked around the NICU and saw other babies who were really fighting. It broke my heart. I saw one mom crying while her husband held her. It was a little baby boy beside Eliana. We called him, Eliana’s neighbor. I am still praying for him. Ya know, I was worried about my baby because she’s mines ya know. But in all truth, it was babies in there that were in a real fight. When I prayed I for my daughters healing I also thanked Him because for real, it could have been worse. Like her neighbor, I’m not at all aware of what is or was wrong with him. I just know he required a lot of attention. He had so many wires and this and that on him that you could barely see his little body. The last time I was at the NICU with Eli I spoke with his grandmother, she was there. I told her that I had been thinking about him and I will be praying for him. And I meant it then and I mean it now. I am still praying for him. I pray he is home now, but if he is not, I pray he will be home sooner then later.
So yeah, that was a heck of an experience, once again. But we made it though. Thank God for Jesus and thank You Jesus for Your grace and mercy! In these moments I learn a lot about myself, my husband, and our marriage. We cling together and rely on each other. I love it. The way my husband stretches himself thin in caring for his family makes me love him even more. And you know what, he neva and I mean neva once complained! He stood ten toes down and did what he had to do. Thank You Jesus for him. God knows Rob is someone I’ve always wanted, but God knew he was more so what I needed. ?
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