Are you happy? Ask yourself this question, and be honest with yourself. What is crippling you? Do you feel bottled up, paralyzed sometimes even? Do you want to shout to the roof tops? Do you blame other people for your unlawfully actions? Do you say that you’re happy, but you always find the bad in every situation? Do you worry more than you laugh? Why do you worry? This use to be me. Is this you? Keep reading….
When I first got married, no when I moved to Cleveland, Ohio I was ecstatic! Like, I could not believe it. I felt like I had won a championship after losing for so many years. On the ride from Virginia I remember closing my eyes really, really tight, and then I would open them to see if what was happening was really happening. Oh my gosh! I just kept smiling, so hard at the passing of every sign that indicated how close I was to entering Cleveland, Ohio. I felt vindicated. Sooo many people told me, “No.” But my God said, “Yes.” I stayed true to thy self and I got exactly what I wanted. It was really happening.
And yet, after weeks of being with my man, and living in Ohio with him, I was not happy. I always found something to complain about. Then I got married! Listen. Nothing! Could stop the feeling that my heart felt becoming Mrs. Jones. Words! Words cannot explain. Heck, I still, to this day cannot explain. It all came as a surprise. (That too, is another story for another day.) After all the craziness, he chose me to be his wife. Weeks after I became Mrs. Jones, I was still not happy. What in the world. Like how could that be, right? Well, let me tell you.
Those who know me know I love me some Jesus. I love Him, and I not only believe He is real, but I also believe in His power. I’m sure I say it in every blog post just about. I do not believe for one second that my life is based off luck. I do not. I just don’t. I do not believe that the universe gives me good. I do however believe that I am blessed. And that Gods grace and mercy keeps me and the ones I love safe. I trust in Him and his promises for me and to me. With that being said, I believe that Satan is real. And that his power is real IF YOU ALLOW IT TOO BE! Meaning, if you fall for his antics, entertain his antics, or you’re lost in what to do when he comes with his antics than you too will be unhappy. Ya see, for years I wasn’t happy. For minor reasons, and some reasons were major. I didn’t know how to be anything but unhappy. The façade I put on around family, friends, associates, co-workers, whomever was like second nature to me. I woke up unhappy and I went to sleep unhappy. Now, there may have been a few that knew things were not always going exactly how I would have liked them to go. But no one really knew the real pain I went through. I didn’t share for years while I was going through. I speak about it now because I want it to be beneficial to others who need this encouragement. It’s not healthy to be around the folks who feel like you feel. Misery loving company is for real. Back then I preferred to talk to those who would rap about my nonsense with me. Now, I want to stand in the need of prayer. I love my friends that I can pray with. Those friends that are the voice of reason, the ones that check me lovingly when I’m out of line.
When I lost focus on God because I was spiraling down so bad I started to think everything I touched just crumbled. I mean, that’s exactly what it felt like. And sometimes it even looked like that too.
Instead of hearing Gods voice, I listened to what the devil told me. I believed what people said about me. People came off a certain way towards me and then, when I’m thinking that I’m really building a relationship or friendship with them they betray me. I’ve ran across a few that were even jealous. Sad part was, they didn’t even know that I didn’t want to be me. Now, I’m not trying to come off as if everyone was jealous of me, I didn’t say that. But for some, you have to call a spade a spade. And jealousy is a real thing. It’s ugly.
I trusted people who stabbed me in my face. Ya thought I was going to say back huh? Naw. They blatantly disrespected me and then would try and apologize later. Male and female. Just know that everyone ain’t “Sis.” Shoot. Some folks didn’t even have the decency to apologize.(Thank you Jesus, I can laugh about it now.) And because of my hurt, I hurt people too. Hurt people hurt people. And that’s why it’s so important to put an end to your unhappy energy when it’s pouring out of you. I felt like every door that opened for me, five more doors would close. I felt so defeated. I felt useless. People assumed different, because I didn’t look like what I felt like.
Having a relationship with God now I know that every door I tried to go through wasn’t for me. (What God has for me, it is for me.) And every door that stayed shut was a blessing. I failed to realize that His grace protected me from what I didn’t know. A lot of times we try and make something ours without even understanding the underlining issues of situations and circumstances. We just feel that whatever it is that we want, we must have it. We’re quick to trust people first, but we know God. Knowing God is trusting Him. People will fail you, and we know that. But if he says, “It’s going to be alright” then it is so. But if God says, “It’s going to be alright” we still are running around in circles.
Things don’t happen overnight. (I still have to keep reminding myself that to this day.) Sometimes we want things so bad we see no other way but our way. We want things to happen spontaneously for us that when it doesn’t we tend to stop trusting the process, His process. We get so caught up in what’s going wrong, that we forget about the many things that are going right. Am I wrong? I have gotten so discouraged in and with life before that I completely stopped being grateful. Why do we do that? Things can always be worse. They really can be. And you have to keep that in mind a lot of times when things aren’t going afloat, or to your speed.
Just a little FYI, being healthy is a major reason to wake up happy every day for starters in my opinion. Some folks are tripping over pure nothingness and there is someone who cannot get out of bed on their own. They can’t feed themselves, bathe themselves, nothing. So are you big mad? Or little mad?
I became so conflicted with all the wrongs, that I was no longer grateful for all the rights. I forgot to trust the same God that has made so many other things possible in my life that I once thought were impossible.
Here I am married to the love of my life, my best friend, and I was still unhappy. The devil tried to take me out! Hence the word tried. (As Tamar Braxton would say, “He tried it.”)
Mentally and emotionally I was so wired to being unhappy that I took that same mentality to the happiest time in my life. My poor husband was confused and he too probably felt defeated by me. I mean what are you supposed to do when you’re doing everything right, but you’re steadily being told you’re doing something wrong? The devil had moved in with my husband and me because I invited him in with my mentality. But God!! Let me tell you something about life. When God granted me, April, with a healthy beautiful baby girl. I told the devil straight up, in the calmest voice, (Ya’ll know I’m loud.) “You can’t live here anymore.” From that point, right there I realized I was tripping over nothingness.
I say nothingness because I don’t even know what the problem was. I do know that the problem all together was the devil himself. God IS NOT (I repeat) God IS NOT the author of confusion. Any lick of worry, defeat, pressure, or whatever it is that is going on in your life that does not give you any peace is the trick of the enemy. When I listen to people and they say multiple times from multiple situations how they can’t sleep and how they worry about this and worry about that. I’m just like dang, sucks to be you huh? The sad thing about it is, is that they are worrying about things that they think is going to happen or could happen. Not even worrying about what is actually happening. How can you live like that? I’m here to tell you right now! I’D RATHER HAVE PEACE THAN MONEY. I RATHER HAVE PEACE, THAN MONEY.
Now, I’m not big on pity parties. After weeks of hearing the same things and there is no change, I gots to go! You’re fitting to see the back of me. And truthfully I am being nice by saying weeks. God granted me the gift of goodbye a LONG time ago. Truth be told, the only person who it has been terribly hard for me to walk away from is my husband. (Those who know the story know.) Don’t trip it was never easy for him either. Haha.
And for some people, if there is change nine times out of ten it’s bad change I do not care to hear. Still people (A previous blog post) stagnant people erk me! Straight up! I never said that change happens in a day. But I’m sorry, not. If you’re still talking about, “I will curse a mofo, B-BLEEP out, theeen ummm…you know the rest.
You try and have uplifting conversations with these people and they still want to be mad. Yet, you’re still screaming about how happy you’re. WHERE?? The lies, the lies!!! You can’t grow like that. One day you may look for a call from me and you’ll be waiting. I have my own demons to fight. I refuse to fight someone else’s. Especially those who refuse help. Sorry. Not really. Making other folks problems your problems is a big no no. I am not saying that you can’t be there for people. I am saying you may not be able to be there for people how they want you to be. Some folks I really do think they like to be mad. Some people want to be pacified. I have a kid. So that is not my forte. And if someone gets an attitude because you chose not to babysit them, then I’ll let you choose in what you want to do. Me, I am not here for it. I have a responsibility to myself, my daughter, and my husband. Family, friend, or foe. If it is not making me happy, I must remove myself. And I will.
You hear people say they have changed but they still tripping over things that happen years ago. Why? Some will say, “We’ll I’m not like you.” I already know that honey, it’s only one me, clearly. Some people be talking loud and saying nothing. You can love them, but not accept the bull that they come with.
I will not sit on the phone for days talking about nothingness! And if you’re offended I reckon you ought not to call me anymore. I’m Just Saying. I am not here for it. Old me, yeah. Mommy me, nope.
I have learned a long time ago that not saying anything is agreeing to it. If you call me and think I’m going to jibber jabber for so long about nothingness without trying to spill some knowledge in the mist of it, and you get upset, then honestly, I feel sorry for you. Not me. I’m not agreeing with things I disagree with because I love you.
Listen to me. And if you know me, hear my voice. And you if you don’t know me, then hear your voice. Life is too short. Life is toooooo short. People have the hardest times forgiving. (TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND.) But you know what I have realized, is that people what to be forgiven soooo bad when they do wrong. But they refuse to forgive. Soooo, what’s up with that? A lot of people are just like the very same people they hate.
Well, I’m over that mess! I’ve been hurt by so many people. People I never ever thought for one second would cross me. But truth be told I forgive them for myself. So that when I go to bed at night I’m not sitting up, tossing and turning in anger thinking about what they did to me and how I should have or should retaliate. GO TO SLEEP!!
I have a daughter to raise. And I mean that whole heartedly. And I want to be happy at it and doing it. Good vibes only.
Happiness is something that a lot of people strive for their entire lives and some never receive it. It’s so many people who think they are happy. But everything that someone says or does ticks them off. How are you happy? Whaaaat! You going to go off on everyone for any and everything? I mean what are you doing with ya life and the people in it if something as tedious as what someone said or did that wasn’t even that serious is bothering you? It just isn’t sitting well with you. I meeaan, what are you living for? To check everyone else except yourself? Ask yourself would you like you if you weren’t you? And be honest! That’s half the problem right there, people keep lying to themselves. And if you’re aware of the problems you have then do something about it! Stop saying you want to change and you’re trying to change and yet you ain’t changed nothing but the order of how you curse out people. People will run someone down on what they have done wrong and yet and still you haven’t confronted your wrongs or the people you have wronged.
Me, myself, and I am over it. I am so passed the day when everything bothered me. I have shed enough tears over the bull, that if I don’t have to deal with it, I ain’t. If the lady in the grocery store side eyes me, OH WELL. She ain’t busting a move physically then I’m good. I have cried enough at night that my pillow has been soaked and stained with my tears. I have worried enough at night that I have tossed and turned until the sun done came up. Not anymore. You know why, because first and foremost, my daughter is happy and healthy. My husband is happy and healthy. Heck, I am happy and healthy. I don’t have time to overlook all my many blessings for bull crap. Every other day my heart drops when I hear bad news from someone. That could have been me. So if I can live another day with the ones I love the most, I’ve already won. YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE. It’s real. Life is too short. I am way to blessed to be tripping on what he did, what she did, and what they said. I have my own race to run. Being unhappy is one of the worst feelings in the world. Been there and done that. I am not inviting myself to it. I crave to see the bigger picture in small times. I yearn to see the good when there is bad. I trust that God will never leave me nor forsake me, ever.
Oh yeah, another thing. Stop talking about who needs prayer. What about you? “You got to pray for them.” What are you doing? Are you praying? I tell you. People will sure put they mouth on something. And I ain’t talking about no oral sex either. I mean, what’s the old saying, if ya don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Shoot. Simple as that. I done spent enough time arguing with folks. Being pissed of with folks. I AM DONE. I don’t hate anyone. It may be some folk I will prefer not to be around and that’s that. I don’t have to be around them. I am not wishing anyone any harm, even if they don’t like me. God has blessed me tremendously! And that’s what I choose to entertain. Amen? Amen!
Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Shoot. My back account runneth over! My car note will be paid off before I bat another lash. Everything I want and I need will happen when it supposed to happen in the mighty name of Jesus. I will not worry, because I pray. If you don’t know already you can’t do both. AND IF YOU’RE SOMEONE THAT JUST SAID, “IT’S EASIER SAID THAN DONE.” I suggest you start over honey, because you done already tripped yourself up. You will not make it with that mentality. I refuse to have pessimistic daughter. Therefore, I refuse to be pessimistic. If I’m pessimistic than what the heck do you think she will be? They didn’t lie when they say that mess is contagious. POSITIVE VIBES ONLY round here!
If you know me on a personal level than you know that I am a very cautious person. Now I refuse to ever be stupid. But I also refuse to live in fear. So, I’m going to go to the movies and not be afraid of getting blown up before the drama drops. I will travel on planes, trains, boats, ships, whatever to get where I want. (Now I’m not fooling with a canoe because they too small, I can’t swim and I’m not trying to get this here hair wet, so.) I am going to do me without living in fear. Cause if you know like I know you’re living to die. I do not think that is something I can do. But if that is the case than we gots lots to talk about honey!!
STOP TRIPPING OVER EVERY LITTLE SINGLE THING. If no one has told you, it’s a turn off. No one wants to be around you really. I admire people who are chill as a cucumber and don’t bark at every bite. When I was younger I would get off on getting back at someone. That’s so played out. I never want to raise my daughter to be half the woman I can’t be. Attitude is everything. And you don’t have to catch one every time someone says or does something you don’t like. I want my daughter to be bold, assertive, respectful, a leader, brave, a go getter, humble, a lover of Jesus amongst many of things. (That’s just to name a few.) If I were to raise her how I use to be she will be, broken, scared, angry, vindictive, miserable etc.
I am no hypocrite. I want to lead by example. I have no problem at all learning from my daughter, I already have. She has taught me that there is a bigger picture to life.
Life is way too short for the monkey madness. And we tend to not realize that until it’s too late. I would hate to hate someone I claim to love on their death bed. Only because my pride got carried away and got in the way. If you don’t care for someone like that, then don’t be around them. Point. Blank. Period. After that you don’t need to talk about it or them. You don’t care, anyways right? And if you love someone then sometimes that means accepting them as they are. Hey, someone may be doing the exact same thing to you unknowingly. Focus on you and your happiness.
I am married and want to stay married. I am a mother and I want to do the best at it that I can. I refuse nothing less. So therefore, I cannot and will not entertain bull crap. Or worry about things I cannot control. It’s useless. And you’ll be tripping for the rest of your life if you chose the road with the devils antics. You better put your armor on. If you think for one split second that he will leave you alone without you demanding it, then you my friend have much bigger problems ahead of you. If you think you will have peace by asking for it and not taking it, then you my friend have painful road ahead of you. I have begged for the peace of mind that I have today. And any given time when I feel like the devil is trying to take what is rightfully mines I get to praying and loud too. You know, it’s been times when I have been going through and not a complete soul that walks this green earth knows. Not in great depths. I share the most with my husband of course. And it’s not because I’m trying to keep a secret, but it’s because I know where my help comes from. I have no time to entertain the mess. Why drive the long way to the solution, when you can drive straight to it? See, in some situations you must pray and keep it moving. When you get on the phone with people, whether you love them or not, they may start speaking things into your life that you don’t want. THAT’S WHY YOU CAN’T TELL PEOPLE EVERYTHING. There is life and death in the power of the tongue. And as a man thinketh, so is he. Have you ever spoken to someone about another person being ill, and before you know it, folks done started writing that person’s death certificate??? Like what! Where they do that at? I’ll tell you! In Unhappy Town. Why can’t people have the same confidence and conviction to speak positive like they do negative?
Sometimes I don’t need to get on the phone and say a thing to nothing or nobody. Whatever energy I have left on a sour day is needed for God. He is the only one that can fill me up so that my problems don’t leak over to my loved ones. Once you do something or say something to someone you can’t take it back once you have put it out there.
This is a message to the unhappy:
Life is not going to always go your way. You may feel as if the bad out weights the good. But that’s where you have to take a step back and ask yourself what really matters to you. A few bad days, does not mean a bad life. Happiness is a choice. And just like so many other choices we have in life, happy has always been an option. Choose wisely.
I’m Just Saying…
I choose happy?