Who said call Earl?!


Oh my gooooodness! I was super excited and overwhelmed with joy up until…

Okay let’s back it up, I DO NOT LIKE THROWING UP. No! Seriously, I would rather have explosive diarrhea like the God awful kind, like crime scene in the bathroom kind!, I would take a massive headache like a little drummer boy playing the base drum on my right temple; I will go for the excruciating menstrual cramps, the ones when you’re leaning forward screaming to mother nature for being so cruel, I will stomp my big toe on the corner of the Lazy Boy recliner repeatedly, I will poke myself in the eye with a BIC blue ink pen, I will not drink or eat for two days like dry mouth, stomach can touch my tail bone starvation, I will pull back my own nail bed on my pinky toe with the pink polish still on it, I will breath out one nostril for a week, with a much needed busted pimple on the tip of my nose, before I ever want to throw up, I dooooo not like throwing up at all on any levels. MMMM…K Thank the good Lord Jesus that I don’t throw up easily. I can literally go years without throwing up. (God please don’t let me talk this up, literally.) I will make bargains with God to restrain myself from throwing up! “Lord I will not eat fried chicken for the rest of the year if you don’t let me throw up. “God I promise I will fill my gas tank up before it gets all the way down to E.” And when I feel like it’s going to happen I will go for the desperate prayer! “God please, please, (On my knees with my hands clasp) Please, I will not watch reality TV for the next two seasons, please God take it away. “

When I was pregnant with Naomi (she just sang herself to sleep, she’s so adorable.) Not one time during my pregnancy did I throw up, not one dog on time! (Who said God wasn’t real, simple pleasures are life’s treasures, I ain’t lying!) I knew then and there that she was everything to me. Like girl we see eye to eye and we haven’t even met yet. I was nauseated though, I will never forget it. I would get my cheetah throw blanket and Mr. Toad (a huge frog Rob gave me for our first Valentine’s Day together.) and lay down until it subsided. Ginger Ale and crackers did work, but sometimes it would be so bad I wouldn’t dare open my mouth in fear of throwing up. Lord, I’m telling you throwing up has got to be in the top ranking with a heart break and a tooth ache. It is that serious in my world. Like some people always say “April it feels so much better afterwards.” Yeah it may be some truth to that but who the heck wants to go through it? The ache right in the pit of your belly, the hot sweat that starts on your forehead and works its way all through your body that has you lying on the cold tile bathroom floor! Then the watery mouth, oooo God that’s when you know it’s coming! Not me, mmm k! I’ll just lie there, pray, maybe I’ll fall asleep and I will wake up and be rejuvenated!

I remember it was a Wednesday I will never forget it. Oh the dread that still comes over me. (Pokes bottom lip out.) I just wanted my mommy. I woke up about 10 o’clock that morning. My tummy was hurting just a little bit, but that was kind of normal. I just stayed in bed watching Matilda, (The part when Matilda was scoping out the corny investigators in front of her parents’ house.) then I started to get hot. (Uh-Oh.) I instantly pulled the covers back; I had on Robs black T- shirt, my hair was braided, and I looked like an extra in the Walking Dead, and trust me when I tell you I felt just as bad as I looked. I started praying. “God I promise I won’t get on Robs nerves for two weeks straight.” PLEASE!! OOOO, my tummy was rolling and popping. I got up and set on the toilet, maybe it will come out the back end. I prefer that any day. Then when I started using the bathroom my stomach started hurting more. Oh no! God not both ends. I grabbed the trash can. I remember saying “Mommy.” I set there for like twenty more seconds, and I got up and got back in bed I thought I was in the clear! “Naomi what are you doing in there, we haven’t even eaten this morning.”

My mouth started to water. God! No! Wait! Please! I promise! Help! Help me! Please! I crawl to the bathroom and I kneel in front of the stool and lift to seat. “Okay, April this is about to happen, you got this girl.” That’s what I told myself. I started to cry. I wanted to call Rob cause I felt like I was dying, but I left the phone in the bedroom. The bed was only a few feet away from the master bathroom, but I was waaaay too weak to make it. Plus any sudden movements would have definitely made matters worse! So it was starting to really happen and I jumped up and stuck my entire head under the faucet! The water was super cold and I felt like I was drowning! (Those who know me know I don’t like an excessive amount of water in my face.) Your girl had it bad. After a few seconds, I promise you I started to feel better and weirdly so, I instantly got hungry. Thank God, I dodged that bullet!

September 5, 2015, Rob and I arrived at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. I felt so special everyone just catered to me! (I love attention, duck lips.) So the nurses were getting me prepped, and ready. Kelly, she was sooooo sweet I will never forget her, I absolutely love her (we actually keep in contact still), and Nicole she was amazing too, I mean heck she felt my boobies for crying out loud she was milking me like a cow. (She was helping with the breast feeding process.) Anyways they had me all prepped and then my doctor came in (Big ups to you Dr. Zart, oh yeah her shoe game is on another level.) and gave Rob and I the run down. I was so nervous, but excited to meet my baby girl, and Rob, I never have seen him so happy in my entire life. (Not even when I said “I do”, hahaha.) Short after the doctor left the room Kelly came in and gave me a little cup with some kind of liquid in it, it was nasty good. Hey, look don’t you dare judge me, I was thirsty and hungry and could not eat because I was having a C- section MMMM…K. Naomi decided at the last minute that she wanted to show her butt. She was transverse, when a baby lies across the uterus rather than with its head pointing down towards the birth canal. So I had to go under. I wasn’t worried about that honestly; hey look you have to do what you have to do. My main concern was to make sure that Naomi got here safe, healthy, and happy! I will take my war womb with great pride hunny! (It really looks good though.)

Then the anesthesiologist comes in and explains his part in this the delivery. “Okay, Okay, alright, yes, sir, sounds good to me!” Meanwhile Rob is asking a million questions making sure his wife and daughter are “A” okay. (He’s so sweet, I love him ya’ll.) Then Mr. Anesthesiologist says one of the nurses should have come in and gave you a cup of liquid to help with vomiting. YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR’RE LOOKIN AT A MOVIE AND THE ACTOR/ACTRESS STOPS WHEN EVERYTHING AROUND THEM IS STILL MOVING? Well I saw everyone around me go about their task as if the world hadn’t come to an endwhen he said vomit! He continued to talk and I didn’t hear a dang thang that man said at this point. Mrs. Jones, (I come out of my trance.) ummm yes? “Do you understand? Why am I going to throw up?! “Well with all the meds etc., your blood pressure will drop which causes you to become nauseated, if you feel the need to throw up just go ahead.” Here goes Rob, “I’ll be right there baby.” YOU SHUT UP ROB!!! I DO NOT WANT TO THROW UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! “We’ll miss Jones it’s normal.” (Now I start to beg!) Listen Sir, I do not like to throw up, please! Please do whatever you have to do in there to save me from throwing up okay. I am begging you. I went through 9 months without throwing up please do not let today be the day. PAAAALEASE!!! “I can’t make you any promises Mrs. Jones.” NO YOU HAVE TOO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? “I’ll do everything I can okay.” He used a lot of medical terminology and then they wheeled me out. Rob had to stay back for about 20 minutes while they did their thang to get me all did up for the C-Section. Things were finally getting started and I was so anxious. Meanwhile back at the ranch Rob was looking all in my insides.

Once the doctors found out the Rob was all for the blood and guts it became a C- Section 101. I remember my doctor saying, “Mr. Jones this is your wife’s uterus.” Rob was like “it’s kind of shaped like a heart.” I was thinking “excuse me, these are my insides ya’ll are talking about!” Any who my job was to focus on not throwing up, so I just hummed a gospel song! However, I wasn’t pressed heck, now I can just say Rob has seen all of me, literally. It doesn’t get any more personal than him seeing my insides. We’ll I guess if my vagina hole was the size of a watermelon that would have been some wild stuff too. Rob was all for it though. So while he thinks he’s O.B.G.Y.Ning it up, I just laid there patiently. I swear I think he thought he was a doctor, I was just happy that I hadn’t thrown up yet. “It’s looking good up here so far.” I said out loud. The anesthesiologist was doing the dang thang, he kept pumping something into my IV and I was loving it! “How are you doing Mrs. Jones?” “LOVE-EEE-LLLYYY!!” I said. “Mrs. Jones you will feel a lot of pressure okay!” OOOOOO, get her out please! DAAAANNNG!!!! I COULDN’T IMAGINE NOT BEING NUMB, CAUSE BEING NUMB I STIL REALLY FELT THE PRESSURE!! WHOA SHE WAS OUT; IT FELT LIKE A TERD COMING OUT AFTER BEING CONSTIPATED FOR 24 HOURS. Everyone was like, “I couldn’t have a C-section,” shoot God knew what He was doing, I ain’t pushing nothing out but some bowel movement!! I will do it all over again just how everything happened. Everyone had me thinking it was the worst thing possible! It was not!!! No labor, no vagina stretched to its capacity, and not having the fear of having to pee a day later! So whatever floats your boat. The important thing is that you live to talk about it, and your blessing is here safe and sound.

When I laid eyes on Naomi Nicole Jones for the first time I could’nt have been happier in my entire life! I cried some tears of joy, I felt like I was drowning on my back. I had to pull myself together. It was the best feeling ever, EVER!! Now I know the hype of being a mom! Rob was cheesing like a dang Cheshire cat, he was so proud! It was written all over him. The man took so many pictures and videos! It was like the paparazzi, and I was not camera ready AT ALL!!

The moral of this beautiful story (and I gave ya’ll the PG, short story!) I did not call Earl!! Thank God. This was the BEST day of my life, hands down!!!!

But what happened a few moments after crushed my heart into tiny pieces and I was afraid that there was no way possible that they could be put back together. (Teary eyed) I promise to feel you in next time….

Such a BIG miracle in such a little girl…

Mommy & Dada love you Princess Naomi