(Wow.) I really can’t believe it. The life I dreamed of…the life I prayed for is here. It happened. Chile, I have two kids. I know that may sound like, “What girl?!” But it’s like I blinked and boom my whole life changed! (For the better that is.) It’s like I woke up married with two kids. (In all actually thangs didn’t really happen that easy.)
So yeah, I just had a baby (Six months post-partum.) and I want my pre-baby body back like yesterday. (Of course.) I mean, naturally so. But this time around (Meaning baby number two.) I’m so much more grounded mentally and emotionally. My perspective on thangs such as my body are so different this time.
Let me share a story with you real quick. (Story time.)
I remember the very night I cried in my bedroom closet after I had Naomi. (My first born.) I mean I boo-hooed like a baby while my mom held her baby. (Me.) I had just taken a shower when I looked at my body three weeks after giving birth and I did not like what I saw looking back at me. I didn’t recognize my body at all. So I did the only thing I could do. Cry. My mom gave me some love and some encouraging words. (Hey Mom!) On good days I took in everythang she said. But on bad days (And the bad days outweighed the good days for me at the time.) I really wondered how was I going to lose the weight. Was it even possible. Honestly, it was the worst. The days when I was trying to figure out life being a new mom in this new body was a drag. I was so hard on myself. Mentally I was drained and emotionally I was so exhausted. Oh, and I hated shopping. And I do not use the word hate lightly. But yeah I hated it. My husband, with his supportive self (I love you baby.) would take me shopping as a way to make me feel better. (I mean, I love to shop Chile.) But I would soon grow frustrated because nothing fit. Or whateva did fit just didn’t look right. I was so ova it! So I’d usually walk out the mall with some candles from Bath and Body Works and some food from the food court.
My brain was fried. Every other thought was me trying to figure out how could I lose this baby weight. If you went to my Google history you’d really understand how almost obsessed I was about my weight. No matter how much my husband loved up on me and told me I was beautiful. “Just take your time baby.” I still did not like me. And let me be clear and honest when I say, social media did not help. At all. Whatsoeva.
Now…
From this body came two blessings. It wasn’t easy, at all getting pregnant the second time around. That whole experience took me for a ride I’d thought I’d never get off. Hell, truth be told I never thought I’d be a woman sharing my difficulties of not being able to get pregnant easily after having one baby already with no problem at all. I was emotionally spent and I felt so incapable for over a year. So, this go around my whole out look on losing weight was sooo so different. The way I see it is I prayed for this body in a way. This go around I’ve learned not to be hard on myself. I learned to do me. I have finally conquered marching to the beat of my own drum. I tune out what everyone else has going on. It’s solely about me. I am my own assignment. I am so thankful I know now how to take care of myself mentally. Which makes me feel good emotionally. And has helped me get my groove back physically. (I’m talking working out now. Clears throat. Haha.) I utilize all the tools to keep me in perfect peace so to say. Even through the rough patches I will always remember and know that God is. See, when I had my first child I was trying to be someone I was before that I no longer was. It was so hard for me to lose weight because I wasn’t in the right space mentally and emotionally. I just knew I didn’t like what I saw physically. After I had Naomi I was a 200 pounds. I didn’t know how to process that. It took me about two years to get a grip and lose weight and it remain. My weight would fluctuate month after month. A year and some change before I got pregnant with Eliana I was 138 pounds. (I loved it. You couldn’t tell me nothing Chile.) After I gave birth (This time.) I was 190 pounds the day I gave birth. And when I tell you that I ain’t trip. I ain’t trip. I was eating good, still after I gave birth. The first go around I was already trying to be on a diet instantly. While breastfeeding. Smh.
I have been so gentle with myself. I workout fives days a week and I enjoy it. I actaully look forward to working out Chile. And I have found a new love for jump roping! Of course thangs get hectic at times. But ova all, I feel amazing. And surprisingly so I’ve lost quite a lot of weight in six months. I’m sure breastfeeding had something to do with it too. (Didn’t seem to work much the first time though.) My current weight is 160 pounds. My end goal is 138-140. I see my body changing physically as weeks pass and that alone makes me even more motivated.
I am really enjoying this journey.
This lifestyle change.
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