How to Have a Strong Marriage….
I mean…..
Listen, I am no perfect wife, and marriage is not rocket science. But being married I have learned and I’m still learning that there is things that need to be certain in your marriage! You don’t want to just be married but you want to be happily married. What works for my hubby and me may not work for you. And that’s perfectly fine. We don’t always have it all figured out either. But if were to ask me what I couldn’t imagine not being in a marriage, I would tell you hands down these things I could not do without,
•RESPECT
• TRUST
•HONESTY
•LOYALTY
For me, those things have to follow suit after God. Duuuuuh! You know He’s first and formost! I’m very big on respect. I’ve heard a lot of people say, if you do not have trust then you do not have anything. Okay, I see your point. But I can not trust anyone who does not respect me. I feel if you have the upmost respect for your spouse things like trust, honesty, loyalty is not going to be hard to come by. I didn’t say it would be easy. But those things alone can keep you solid through other rough patches. Ya know, the rough patches do occur. Remember, “for better or for worse.” In a marriage you and your spouse change as individuals as months or years pass. God knows I’m not the same girl I was when I first met my husband. I’m a woman now, I’ve experienced life and I’ve grown from the pain that I’ve experienced in it. And because of it, I’m thankful, I’m humble, and I appreciate every little itsy bitsy thing. You and your spouse are going to evolve in life. Change may not always be good, but if you do these things than you can evolve for the better together.
•COMPRIMISE
•LISTEN
•UNDERSTAND
•RELATE
Just because you’re married you’re still your own individual. I take great pride in being a mother and a wife to my amazing little family. But guess what honey, I am still April, and I take great pride in that too. For your family to be good you have to be good! I know it’s hard not to feel guilty, I’m still striving in that too, but I’m a lot better. I treat myself every now and then, well a lot these days. ANYWAYS, point is this, in your marriage you and your spouse are going to go through failures, achievements, disappointments, loses, setbacks, etc. All types of things and some things may just change you. You didn’t just make a vow for better, but for worse too.
•PATIENCE IS MAJOR KEY
In my own experiences I’ve learned that being right, isn’t always in important. Always fight fair. And God knows watch what you say out your mouth to each other! If you don’t want it done you, then do not do it to your spouse. It’s just that simple. *respect*
My prayer book is filled. *Ha* And that is because I do not find the time to major in minor things! Keep in mind that 10% is what happenes and 90% is how you react! Make wise choices for your marriage. I’ve read a few articles on marriages, not to find insight, but I was more so curious. A textbook can give you a hint or idea, but you are clueless unless you have lived it. But one book in particular that I read more than my bible (Yes, I need to work on that.) is called He-Motions, by T.D. Jakes. Bishop Jakes speaks on many many things thats an eye opener for me still now. In one of the chapters Bishop said, “to fall silent in a marriage is deadly.” And I believe that. Walking around in a house with no words is wack attack to me. I’ve been alone before and I didn’t like that feeling. It’s deeper than just feeling alone. The feeling can be torture. So I refuse to be alone in the house with my husband because I am so mad that I don’t want to speak. I don’t want that. Time is waaaaaaaay to precious for me. And the thought of my husband or me walking out the door mad at each other and the possibility of never seeing him again and knowing that the last time I saw him I was mad and wasn’t talking to him isn’t something I would want to live with. So I do better. Because I know better. If we happen to have a disagreement the words I LOVE YOU still exist! And I still say it! *Being stubborn is beneath me* Always keep in mind that closed mouths do not get fed. So what you don’t say isn’t heard and that’s how assumptions start. A lot of people say, “when you assume you make a donkey out of yourself.” Well, me I feel people who are stubborn make an even bigger donkey out of themselves.
•COMMUNICATION! ITS A MUST AND A PLUS! Don’t ever stop talking! Because if you don’t talk, the devil will!
Now don’t get it twisted, bitting the bullet is just as important. Everything does not deserve a respond! Please pick your battles wisely! Do not misconstrue that with falling silent. The “I told you so’s” and always trying to be right is not that important! So don’t make it about that! The tongue is a POWERFUL thing! Watch what you say and how you say it. And if you don’t have anything nice to say, then just be quiet. I can think of a few people, some important, some not so much to me have said things that I will NEVER forget! And no matter how much I may talk to them or not, I will always see them in that way. Words are powerful! Do not let this be you and your spouse. *I’m so thankful that my husband is slow to speak and quick to listen first* I’m learning from him. See you can learn from each other too. When you know better you should do better. Some people don’t have that gist down. Don’t let this be you!
When you’re at your worse (vows) in your marriage keep these things in mind,
•LOVE
•IN LOVE
•UNITY
•TOGETHERNESS
Times will get rough. When it rains, sometimes it pours. But you HAVE to REMEMBER why you got married to your spouse in the first place. And ummmmm if you have to question yourself on that, than I’m sorry but you need to find yourself before you go looking side eyed at your spouse. It’s sooooo easy to let life get in the way once you get married. Kids play a huge role. Things become routine and can possibly get boring. Things can get real really fast. Nonetheless, you’re the driver of this romantic ship! Don’t allow life to get in the way. Remember, you always make time for what you want. If you don’t feed a burning fire it will go out! Yes marriage is a job, but don’t treat your spouse like one! My husband works my nerves sometimes, and I know I dance on his. But it’s been said and it’s evident that life couldn’t be imagined without one in it. Focus on that. And I never ever hesitate to tell my baby that. Men need to know and hear these things just like we do as women. Be,
•COMPASSIONATE
•CARING
•CONCERNED
And know this, sex is not the underlining purpose of marriage! Sex does not keep you married. Not to be so blunt, but as much as I like to make love to my husband, I’m just as eager for the movie nights, cuddling with some pillow talk, and God knows there is nothing like a good ole back scratch! These things matter too! So don’t water intimacy down with you spouse. Simple pleasures are lifes treasures. Don’t you just love,
•FOREHEAD KISSES
•KISSES ON THE CHEEK
•HUGS FROM BEHIND
•HOLDING HANDS
Don’t stop these things! Chase him. Chase her. Even when you already have each other. Now anyone who KNOWS me (I say that a lot.) KNOWS that my main source of peace and happiness is prayer. It humbles me. Marriage is hard. It’s not easy. JUST LIKE LIFE IS WHAT •YOU• MAKE IT. It’s the same with your marriage! Don’t worry about the nay sayers and what’s “suppose to be” because of what you’ve seen on social media. Because half the people who have the illest things to say could not fathom what it is like to be a wife or husband. People dilute and degrade marriage. Aspiring to be a settler (side chick) is the new thing for some folk. But regardless of what the world says about marriage or men, I will always take pride in being a wife! I absolutely love it!!! No regrets! When I see elderly couples together I smile! That’s what I want! That’s what I pray for!!! That’s what I love!
Marriage takes constant consistentcy. However, that doesn’t always work like that either. Financial situations occur. Change individually occurs, death in families, lay offs, whatever may occur. But I believe that LOVE can conquer anything. And team work makes the dream work! Together, you can overcome it, you can! You never know, you may even laugh about it together later. *We tend to do that* All the upsets and disappointments are tools to make you both better as one and as one. (You catch my drift?) “Embrace the Race” Bishop Jakes.
You know what’s crazy?! I’ve spent plenty of time being single, but I’ve never felt more independent than I do now being married. I get now why they say you have to focus on YOU before being married. All the things that I over looked or didn’t understand then I get now. SELF-LOVE is very important in general, in life itself. But it’s a need be in marriage too. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love your spouse. You will see them how you see yourself, incapable. You can’t proceed as a team when you’re your own enemy!
•NO SECRETS PLEASE!!!
Secrets are a no go! The smallest thing can never be untold. Now I’m not saying I call my hubby to let him know exactly what I’m wearing or eating exactly. But anything that happens in my day that I would want to know if it was him in my situation, I’M TELLING. No rocks unturned.
Oh yeah! You know sometimes we try and change our spouses once it’s official. Well let me not speak for everyone. Like for example, I know my love bug isn’t organized. (Like me.) On time. (Like me.) Proactive. (Like me.) And if I’m being honest than you should know I tried to change my spouse. Yep! Sure did! I wanted him to be this guy who gets up early for work, reads he news paper, while sipping coffee. Who the heck am I kidding. That’s not him and that’s not who I fell in love with. And I had to remind myself that. So I knocked that right on out the ball park! I love him just how he is. Once I came to terms that we balance each other out with our opposites, making him like me would be boring. Ya see, don’t change your spouse. Love them just as you did in the beginning. Those butterflies are still there. Just be still, you’ll feel them. Now don’t get confused by good change and bad change now. You know what I mean.
LAUGH! Lots of laughter. Laugh together! I love to laugh. I laugh at myself more than anything these days it seems. But I love to laugh with my chocolate monster. Most of the time it’s cause we’re roasting each other in jokes. *Haha* We tend to laugh at us period when we look back over the years. I can’t wait until we can laugh and look back at the decades together. Speaking of past, leave it there if it doesn’t make you laugh. Rearview mirrors should only be used when you’re driving. Don’t do it! You chose each other, so choose your present and your future! You know the devil stay wanting someone dwelling on stuff. Now, I may not have touched all bases! That’s because I’m no expert. I’m Just a wife in love, trusting God, and sometimes winging it. But that just about sums it up for me. I’m true to this, but also new to this. So there ya go. But God is true to me, and yes I trust Him fully. He is the foundation of my marriage. And His protection is all around us! Anything negative that anyone prays, says, jokes about, wishes upon etc, I send back to the pits of hell. Marriage is honorable to God and is a beautiful thing. No weapon formed against us shall prosper. Now listen, God didn’t say that there would not be any weapons formed. He said that they shall not prosper. Utilize your tools wisely! God Bless you and yours!
*And baby, I love you so much! Gray & Old. Happy & Healthy. Til’ death do we part.*
Sincerely,
Red Lipstick