For we walk by faith, and not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Hey Chile. How’s it going on your end? Me and my family are in the bed comfy cozy. We are all doing our own little thang. My husband is holding the baby while watching Criminal Minds on Netflix. That’s what we tend to do. When we run out of movies or shows to watch we just start one of our old favs from the beginning to end like we neva watched it before. Breaking Bad and Dexter I’m sure will be next in the upcoming weeks. The baby is sleep. (One down, one more to go.) And Naomi is on her phone watching PBS Kids. And I’m wearing a cucumber face mask and chit chatting with you. I just took a nice hot shower. Another one of my favorite thangs to do. I promise you I find so much peace in the smallest thangs in life. And a shower happens to be one of those thangs. I take a shower every night before bed. (I honestly take two showers a day now. After I workout and right before bed.) I’m so serious about my night time skin care routine, nice soothing lotion, and a ova sized t-shirt to hop in bed with. It ain’t nothing like hitting the sheets after a shower. I go to Walmart and buy 2x to 3x t-shirts just to sleep in. Ain’t nothing like getting in a comfy cozy bed after a long day of doing nothing or doing a lot. My bedroom is my favorite place in the house honestly.
But I wanted to come chat with you because one of my favorite thangs to do when I shower is pray. (Sometimes I play gospel music. Sometimes I don’t.) Although I talk to God multiple times a day, literally. Like when I open the fridge and I see plenty of food. I thank Him. When I see my girls climbing on Dada playing. I thank Him. When the air conditioner comes on because it’s getting hot outside. I thank Him. When the car starts. When we go to bed healthy. When we wake up healthy. I thank Him. I talk to God throughout the entire day. But the shower is one time I can dedicate my whole being to Him in a way that I can’t really put into words. If it was a rough day and I’m praying I feel as if the water is washing the day away. (I wrote a blog post about this.) There are times when I have to kick my husband, 4 year old, and baby (She goes where they go.) out of the bathroom. And all jokes aside, I even thank Him for that. Life could always be any other way. Life can be so unfair at times.
I find peace in thanking God in tough times. I know it doesn’t make sense to some, but I do. I remember when I thought I couldn’t have anymore kids after so may tests. After all the anger and doubt simmered down. (Honestly, it never completely went away.) I started to thank God for the one happy and healthy child I already had. Some people don’t even get that. I was so fixated on not being able to have another child, that I looked pass the blessing I already had in a sense. So, I’ve learned that any moment of happiness that I have, I thank Him for it. Because I know what’s it’s like to be everything but happy. And anytime thangs get a little rough, I thank Him for that too. Because I believe if God fixed it or changed it before. He will do it again. Bad can sometimes be worse. I always try and find the good and God in every situation I encounter in life.
Both of my daughters had to go to the NICU after birth. I remember when it happened just 5 months ago. I looked at my husband and said, “Not again.” Naomi was born at 35 weeks. Everythang appeared just fine. But as night time came around the nurses realized that her glucose levels were down. The next morning a doctor came in saying they wanted to transfer her to Rainbow Babies (We were stationed in Cleveland, Ohio at the time.) The doctors didn’t want thangs to really go left in the labor and delivery ward. Out of some of the pain that I have felt in the duration of my life, that was one time when I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. Then it happened again 5 months ago when my daughter Eliana had jaundice. I had her at 39 weeks exactly. It was like the same thang all ova again. Night time came around once again, just like before when the nurses came in making us aware of her jaundice levels. She slept under the blue light that night. I was so exhausted and tired, but I spent majority of the night talking to God. With faith and high hopes that the doctors would be singing a different song in the morning I finally dozed off. I remember being sound asleep, trusting God, when the doctor came in with news that Eli would be getting transported to the NICU about an hour and a half away. I cried. I’m telling you Chile it was like the same song but different script. Both times I received the news I was in the hospital room, in bed, waiting for food, when the doctor came in to tell me the devastating news while my husband would be with the nurses while they monitored the babies. Both hospitals took ova a hour drive to get to. We could never ride along during transport. Both times it was the very next day after birth. Each time my doctor would advise me to stay hospitalized due to me just having a serious surgery such as a C- section. And each time I signed myself out.
So, I said all that to say this. I was scared. Worried. Sometimes even in a panic until I would pray myself out of that. To see your child sick is not a good feeling at all. I’ve felt all types of pain from different people. But the pain I have felt seeing my babies not okay is really just unexplainable. I have yet to experience what it is like to give birth and go home. While in the NICU I have seen babies with organs outside of their bodies. Babies on monitors bigger than their bodies keeping them alive. I have seen mothers and fathers break down right in front of me in pain of losing their child. I have cried and prayed for people I never knew at the time and will probably never see in life again, all because we were there together. I would see those other babies and realize that my bad could be worse. I could be a parent that has to chose whether or not to pull the plug on my child. So, instead of feeding energies of worry, doubt, fear, and everything else that you feel when your world is upside down. I flipped it into faith, prayer, and His promises. When people ask me why I trust God the way I do. That is why. I didn’t let up. I knew if God healed one of my daughters, He would heal the otha. The agony I went through to get pregnant. The sickness I felt while I was pregnant. I knew God wouldn’t let it end like this. I trusted Him in the darkest times of my life.
Once my baby came home happy and healthy. I was in the E.R. with a banging headache, I could see black spots and my blood pressure was 192/80!! They rushed me upstairs so fast!! They had me on a magnesium pump for 24 hours because I had preeclampsia. Chile! The doctors were so afraid that I was going to have a seizure. You talking about calling on the name of Jesus. When I tell you we were going through it. We were going through it!
It was rough and tough and then some. But I am grateful. I wouldn’t necessarily say it is crazy, but in those times when my husband and me were living in the NICU, we became closer. We bonded. We just leaned on each other. Being away from home, all we had was us. The second time around we had the joy of Naomi. She kept us going. She knew something was wrong. Kid’s know. She amazed me with making sure we were always okay. She would always tell me, “Momma it’s going to be okay.” I thought I was hiding my pain from her. The whole time she already knew. In those times, my husband and I learned thangs about each other we never knew before in all these years of knowing each other. But ya know, I believe you find out the truth about people when thangs get tough. When you really need someone, that is when you can truly find out what you mean to them. All I can say is, I can love this man forever. He literally bathed me, tucked me in, held my hand, and told me I was beautiful when I walked around with milk dripping out of my breast, and tape hanging from my C-section cut. (That he removed.) He never swayed. He was so patient with me. (I knew he was worried too.) So, as bad as thangs were. I still told God, thank You. I could have been there alone. (The NICU.) Of there with a man that was absent minded. Instead, my husband took all my worry and his and did what he had to do to keep me going literally and figuratively. He took care of his family.
God knows life is hard. We all have our trouble stories. But there are a lot of people praying for what you have right now. That doesn’t take away from what you’re going through. I’m not belittling your situation or circumstances in any way shape, form, or fashion. However, our own tongue can bring more pain against us at times than life itself can. Any moment in time when my husband is getting on my nerves. I think back to how much I miss him every single time he’s gone. And how worried I was about him when he was trying to make it back to us with this virus going on. Every time I miss spending our weekends down in Palm Springs, out and about with my family, shopping, eating out, enjoying each other. I remind myself that I still have that, just at home. I can’t physically go to Home Goods, (Oh how I miss you) but I can still order thangs online. I don’t have to worry about money. My family is healthy and here together. I am blessed to call my parents and see their faces on the iPad. Everyone doesn’t have that luxury anymore. People have lost loved ones to this virus. People have lost loved ones before this virus and are at home alone mourning. I hope you understand where I am coming from when I say be grateful. And listen, by no means do I have it all together all the time. I just know who to lean on. And I know where my help comes from. Thangs won’t always be good. So when thangs are good it is so important to me that I let God know I am thankful. Because I am aware at any moment life could be any other way.
May you and your family continued to be safe and sound minded at home. I speak health ova you and yours.
And to all my pregnant mommas out there. You’re covered in the name of Jesus. No sickness. No illness. No diseases. No virus will know you or your beautiful baby. (Hey! Or babies.) In Jesus mighty and unmatched name I pray. Amen.
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