“Do ya boobs hang low? Do they wobble to the floor? Can you tie them in a knot? Can ya tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do ya boobs hang low?”
I promise I woke up one morning, ummm about 18, 19 with two extra people, yes I said people on my chest. I say people because that’s what they’re like some times. I meeeaaan don’t act like people don’t work your nerves sometimes.
I went from a 34B to a 34Dover night! By the time I was 21 I was pushing the booby family of DD’s. Then I got pregnant, and I was a happy/miserable 36E! Yes E as in elephant!! After I had Naomi and was carrying her food supply around, I was a HEAVY G. I remember when my parents came up to visit to help with Naomi when we brought her home from the hospital and my moms exact words were, “They look like they hurt.” Yeah Ma! They do. I was carrying around boobs that were literally bigger than my baby! I thought I would smother her while I was trying to feed her.
I was sooo uncomfortable! I wish you could hear the agony in my voice as I go back down memory lane. I wore a sports bra every day. To not have the people strapped down would of been a day of pain, plus the fact I already had a C-Section. My back hurt so bad that my butt cheeks hurt, which made my ankles hurt too. I wish this was all a joke, but fortunately and unfortunately it is not!
After 4 months of breastfeeding, the milk dried up and I became a 36DDD, triple D’s in the house! Haha, ya gots to laugh to keep from crying sometimes chile. After loosing the baby weight, plus some. I am now a healthy 34DDD. So there ya go. I made a trip down to the latest, greatest bra heaven, Victoria Secret. I got sized and racked up on some new and improved bras and I’ve felt like a new woman ever since. Shout out to you, T-Shirt bra! Hey hey! I never knew I could find love in a thing.
Yeah know I reckon there are two types of woman in theis world today. The ones who enlarge their boobs, and ones who shrink them. Yes! I am considering a good ole breast reduction! Don’t get me completely wrong it’s some perks to having these people around, but we’re not here for that, so, here goes!
BACK PROBLEMS WITH BIG BOOBIES:
1. Victoria Secret is my jam. Don’t get it twisted! BUT! The bra area for busty women is quit the disappointment. They’re doing better though, from what I’ve seen on my last trip there. But still! I feel a protest coming on…(haha.)
2. My gosh! Try putting on a botton up blouse! If I get a size large, it fits the people, but it’s too loose every where else! Uugghh! I get a medium it fits everywhere else but my boobs. Thank you! No thank you!
3.Summa, Summa, Summa time! Yeah right! The ant trail that can form if you’re not careful. Ewww! What? Don’t act like it doesn’t happen. Some people sweat under there arm pits! What’s the difference?
4. Bathing suit shopping can kiss my pinky toe! No! Seriously, it really really sucks. And just when I thought getting a one piece was easy. WRONG! “Not one pieces, not two pieces, not red pieces, not blue pieces.”
5. When people ask me does my back hurt. What the heck do you think dumb dumb. Yeah my back hurts! I mean it’s not excruciating pain, but yeah they cause some minimum pain. I meeeaaaannn if you were carrying around two water jugs of boobage wouldn’t your back hurt? The more I loose weight, the more I feel the heaviness!
6. When I prepare for a workout, sports bras are more important than having water. How many bras do I wear? Three. Yep! That’s right! I mean I’m not trying to get knocked out doing burpees. And my gosh I plan to get up after push ups!
7. The fight of finding ways to wear anything backless. But I did run across something online the other day. I’ll get back at you with that one.
So, there ya go! The struggle of a busty woman! It can be annoying at times, okay, maybe a lot of times. But remember I did say there were a few perks. *winks right eye*
I’m Just Saying