There is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.
After everything I have written about learning to trust again, learning to trust myself again, learning discernment, learning boundaries, learning when to speak and when to be still…I keep coming back to the same place.
Jesus.
Because He is the beginning of all of it.
He is the foundation underneath every other kind of trust I am learning.
And maybe that is what this season has been teaching me most.
I don’t just want to know about God. I want to know God.
There is a difference.
See, I have always believed in Jesus.
But I did not follow Him.
And yes, there is a difference.
I knew that Jesus died for my sins. I knew that He was the Son of God, kind of. I knew the stories. I went to church. I went to Bible study. I listened to the teachings and the preaching. I heard other people talk about Him.
But there was a time when, if I’m being completely honest, I knew of Jesus more than I knew Jesus for myself.
I would hear about Jesus from other people in ways that I could relate to, and other ways I hadn’t experienced from Him at all. It was, “too deep.” I felt like. I never thought it, or should I say He was, “that serious.” I wasn’t spending enough time in His Word to recognize His character for myself.
I wasn’t sitting with Him.
I wasn’t intentionally learning His ways.
I wasn’t building that relationship on my own.
And there is something different about trusting someone when you have actually experienced their character for yourself.
You don’t trust God simply because someone told you that He is trustworthy.
You begin to trust Him because you’ve walked with Him.
You’ve seen Him.
You’ve experienced His faithfulness.
You’ve watched Him carry you through something you didn’t think you would survive.
You’ve prayed a prayer and later looked back and realized, “Oh…God was there the whole time.”
You’ve been in the valley and discovered that He wasn’t only God on the mountaintop.
He was God there, too.
I Want to Know Him for Myself
I think one of the greatest gifts of walking with Jesus is realizing that Christianity cannot simply be something you inherit from somebody else’s relationship with God.
Someone else’s testimony can encourage you.
Someone else’s faith can inspire you.
Someone else’s prayers can help carry you when you’re weak.
But eventually, you have to know Him for yourself.
I can tell you that God is faithful.
But there is something different about discovering His faithfulness in your own life.
I can tell you He provides.
But there is something different about being in a season where you don’t know how something is going to work out and watching God make a way.
I can tell you that He gives peace.
But there is something different about sitting in a room with tears in your eyes, not knowing what tomorrow will look like, and somehow still being able to say:
“Lord, I trust You.”
That kind of trust isn’t build in a comfortable season.
It is built through relationship.
Okay, Let Me Explain What I Mean by “Relationship”
When I say that trust is built through relationship, I want to slow down right here because I think we sometimes use the word relationship with God without really stopping to ask ourselves what that means.
So let me break it down like this.
Think about the person you are closes to, or want to be.
Your husband.
Your wife.
A new guy.
Perhaps a new girl.
Your homeboy or your homegirl.
Someone you talk to every single day. Or want to.
Now imagine you woke up Monday morning and didn’t hear from them. Nothing.
Tuesday? Nothing.
Wednesday? Nope, nothing.
Thursday? Silence.
Friday? Still nothing.
Saturday? You’re correct. NOTHING.
And then Sunday comes, and they call you and say, “Hey! I love you. Trust me. I know what’s best for you.”
You see what I am saying?
We say we have a relationship with Jesus, but we rarely hold that relationship to the standard we hold every other one. Think about it, if your husband or wife only made time for you once a week, quietly without sharing anything of themselves, you would feel the distance.
If someone you were getting to know stopped texting and went silent for days, you wouldn’t call that a relationship, and you probably wouldn’t even stick around.
Yet we offer God exactly that.
We show up when it’s convenient, ask for what we want, and rarely give back what we expect from anyone else, our own time, our attention, our effort.
We fight tooth and nail for the people we love, but we rarely fight for Him.
If we’re honest, a relationship that runs one way isn’t the kind we want with anyone, and it was never the kind God designed.
He pursued us first.
The question is whether we’ll pursue Him back.
Please hear me, I am not writing this to condemn you.
I am sharing what I recognized in myself, and it points straight back to God’s grace and mercy.
Once I started reading the Bible and being intentional about spending time with Him.
Putting my phone down.
Putting down other books that weren’t edifying me.
Turning the tv off.
The more I got to know His character.
The more my desire to obey grew and my heart posture started to change.
That’s when I saw at one point, I was a rebellious believer.
I knew when I was doing or saying something wrong, even if I couldn’t fully explain why. I felt that nudge, that conviction, and brushed it aside with, “God will forgive me,” already knowing I would do it or say it again. No repentance. No fear of the Lord. And we know what the Bible says about the fear of the Lord…wisodm.
I treated His grace and mercy like a license to sin.
I’m only telling you this because I’ve been there too many times.
There is a difference between having a relationship with Jesus personally and knowing Him through other people. And there is a difference between being a believer and being a follower. Are you getting to know Him, or just getting information about Him?
This is a question I had to ask myself.
In the hardest time of my life I had to ask myself, do you actually know God?
I have learned to be honest with myself and ask the hard and uncomfortable questions.
When you wake up in the morning what or who gets your attention first?
Be honest…
Is it your phone, social media, text messages, the news, work, emails?
Or do you pause and recognize:
“I opened my eyes this morning because God gave me another morning.”
Before you rush into the demands of the day, do you spend any intentional time with Him?
Not because you are trying to earn His love. Because you don’t have to earn what Jesus already made available through grace. But because you love Him and want to know Him.
Are you spending more time watching television than you are sitting with God’s Word?
Are you reading more books about this, that, and the third more than you’re reading the Bible?
Are you consuming hours of content from people explaining God to you but rarely opening the Bible and asking the Holy Spirit to help you understand what God has said for yourself?
Are you only opening your Bible when you’re hurting?
Only praying when you need something?
Only searching for Scriptures when you need reassurance?
Only saying, “God, I trust You,” after everything worked out?
Because here’s the thing:
You don’t build trust in the middle of the crisis.
The crisis reveals what you’ve already built.
OKAY! I digress…let me go back to where I was. I don’t know I just felt the need to explain that. Because I have been there.
So yeah, like I was saying…
It is built through prayer.
It is built through fasting.
It is built through obedience.
It is built through His Word.
It is built through remembering.
And sometimes, it is built through the valley.
The Valley Will Tell You What the Mountaintop Can’t
It is so easy to talk about trusting God when everything is going well.
When the prayer was answered.
When the good news came.
When the money came through.
When the relationship is good.
When the children are doing well.
When the house is peaceful.
When the new job or promotion comes through.
When you can see what God is doing.
But what about when you can’t?
What about the rough day?
The rough week?
The season that seems to stretch longer than you expected?
What about the day when something you thought you had healed from suddenly hurts again?
What about when all you can seem to say is:
“Lord…help me.”
I have learned that even that is prayer.
Sometimes you may not have a long prayer.
Sometimes you may not have the words.
Sometimes you may only have one Scripture.
And that’s okay.
Pray it.
Say it again.
Write it down.
Whisper it.
Cry it.
Stand on it.
Let the Word of God pray through you when you don’t know what else to say.
Because God’s Word does not become less powerful because your are tired.
When You Don’t Know How To Pray
There have been times when I have had to lean on Scripture because I didn’t know what else to do.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5
Sometimes that is the prayer.
“Lord, I don’t understand this. But I’m going to trust You anyway.”
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God.” – Isaiah 41:10
Sometimes that’s the prayer.
“Lord, I’m afraid. But You told me not to fear because You are with me.”
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
Sometimes that’s the prayer.
“Lord, shepherd me. Because I don’t know where I’m going.”
And sometimes all you can say is:
“Jesus”
And He knows.
I Have Learned That God’s Character Matters
This is why being in the Word matters so much to me now.
Because if I only know God based on how I feel about my circumstances, my trust will always be unstable.
Today I can feel hopeful.
Tomorrow I can feel afraid.
Today I can see the mountain.
Tomorrow I can only see the valley.
Today I can pray boldly.
Tomorrow I may sit quietly with tears in my eyes.
But God’s character doesn’t change with my circumstances.
He is still good.
He is still faithful.
He is still sovereign.
He is still present.
He is still God.
Lamentations 3:22–23 reminds us that His mercies are new every morning and that His faithfulness is great.
Psalm 34:18 tells us that He is near to the brokenhearted.
Joshua 1:9 tells us to be strong and courageous because the Lord is with us wherever we go.
Deuteronomy 31:8 reminds us that the Lord goes before us and will not leave or forsake us.
Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
These aren’t just pretty Scriptures to put on a wall.
They become anchors.
And sometimes you need an anchor because the waves are real.
The God Who Meets You in the Fire 🔥🔥
One of the Bible stories I keep coming back to is Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3.
They refused to bow.
They knew what was coming.
They knew the consequence.
And yet they still stood.
What moves me isn’t simply that God eventually delivered them from the fire.
It is that they trusted Him before they knew what He was going to do.
They essentially declared that God was able to save them but even if He didn’t rescue them in the way they hoped, they still would not bow.
That’s trust.
Not:
“I trust God because I know how this ends.”
But:
“I trust God because I know who He is.”
And then they were thrown into the furnace.
But they were not alone.
The king looked into the fire and saw another figure walking with them.
God met them in the fire.
He didn’t require them to understand the furnace before He proved Himself faithful.
He didn’t need them to know the outcome.
They simply needed to know Him.
And when they came out, they didn’t even smell like smoke.
That is a God did it moment.
But here’s what I love most:
The miracle wasn’t only that they came out.
The miracle was that they trusted God enough to stand before they knew whether they would.
Sometimes Trust Looks Quiet
I think I used to believe trusting God always looked like bold declarations.
Big prayers.
Big faith.
Big words.
And there is absolutely a place for that.
But sometimes faith looks like sitting quietly with your Bible open because you don’t know what else to do.
Sometimes faith looks like getting out of bed and saying, “Thank You, Jesus,” even when you’re hurting.
Sometimes faith looks like praying one verse over and over again.
Sometimes faith looks like obedience when nobody applauds you.
Sometimes faith looks like waiting.
Sometimes faith looks like not reacting.
Sometimes faith looks like allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you instead of allowing your emotions to lead you.
Sometimes faith looks like saying:
“I don’t understand You right now, but I still trust You.”
And that is a different kind of intimacy.
Because you aren’t trusting God simply because life feels good.
You’re trusting Him because you know Him.
Believing Is Not the Same as Following
This is something I have had to really examine in myself.
I believed in Jesus long before I truly began following Him.
And I don’t say that to create a theological formula that separates “believers” from “followers” as though Scripture treats them as two completely different categories.
I mean it practically.
I believed He was real.
But was I following Him?
Was I allowing His Word to correct me?
Was I obeying Him when obedience was uncomfortable?
Was I seeking Him before seeking everybody else’s opinion?
Was I letting Him change my responses?
Was I surrendering my plans?
Was I learning His character?
Was I actually becoming more like Him?
Because following Jesus means He gets to lead.
And if He gets to lead, sometimes He will lead me somewhere I wouldn’t have chosen.
Sometimes He will tell me to wait.
Sometimes He will tell me no.
Sometimes He will convict me.
Sometimes He will expose something in me that I would rather leave alone.
Sometimes He will ask me to forgive.
Sometimes He will ask me to be quiet.
Sometimes He will ask me to speak.
Sometimes He will ask me to let go.
And sometimes He will plant me somewhere for a season because He is growing something in me that I cannot see yet.
That is where trust becomes real.
When Your Prayer Becomes: “But God…”
There is a phrase that keeps coming back to me:
But God.
Not because I am denying what is happening.
Not because I am pretending everything is okay.
Not because I am forcing myself to be positive.
But because whatever I am facing is not bigger than who God is.
I can say:
This hurts… but God.
I’m tired… but God.
I don’t understand… but God.
I’m afraid… but God.
I don’t know what’s next… but God.
I don’t see the way… but God.
I don’t feel strong today… but God.
And sometimes that’s all the faith you have.
But God.
And sometimes that’s enough to get you through the next hour.
I Want to Trust Him in Every Season
I’ve spent these first entries talking about trust.
Trusting God.
Trusting myself again.
Trusting wisely.
Learning discernment.
Learning boundaries.
Learning when to speak and when to be still.
But the more I sit with God, the more I realize that everything keeps pointing back to Him.
Because I can never truly learn to trust myself apart from Him.
I can never properly navigate relationships without His wisdom.
I can never discern well without His Word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
And I don’t want to spend my life studying everybody else’s behavior while neglecting my relationship with Jesus.
I want to know Him.
Not just know the Scriptures people quote.
Not just know the church language.
Not just know the stories.
Not just know what someone else says about Him.
I want to know His character.
I want to know His Word.
I want to recognize His voice.
I want to obey Him.
I want to experience Him.
I want to remember what He has already done when I cannot see what He is doing now.
And I want those memories of His faithfulness to become the foundation for trusting Him with my future.
Because if He was faithful then…
I can trust Him now.
And if He is faithful now…
I can trust Him with what’s next.
Sit With This 📖🖊️
Before you leave this entry, sit with these questions.
1. Do I truly know God for myself, or have I mostly known Him through what other people have told me about Him?
2. What has God already brought me through that I need to remember in this current season?
3. When life becomes difficult, do I run toward God’s Word or away from Him?
4. What Scripture can I hold onto when I don’t have the words to pray?
5. Is there an area where I am asking God to change my circumstances when He may be using the season to change me?
6. What does trusting God look like for me today not someday when everything is figured out?
7. Where is God asking me to obey Him even though I don’t know the outcome?
And finally:
If God never changes His character, why should my trust depend on my circumstances?
Sit with that one.
Pray over it.
And then remember:
You don’t have to know what God is doing to trust who God is.
Before I Go…
I think this is what I have been learning through this entire season.
People will change.
Circumstances will change.
I will change.
Some days I will feel strong. Other days I will need someone to pray for me.
Some prayers will be loud.
Some will be whispered.
Some days I will feel like I’m standing on the mountaintop.
Other days I may feel like I’m sitting in the valley wondering how long the season will last.
But through every single one of them
Jesus.
He remains.
And I don’t want to build my faith on the assumption that following Jesus means I will never have hard days.
I want to build my faith on knowing that when the hard days come, I will not be alone.
So when I can’t see the way, I will trust Him.
When I don’t understand, I will trust Him.
When I’m waiting, I will trust Him.
When I’m hurting, I will trust Him.
When I’m grateful, I will trust Him.
When the answer is yes, I will trust Him.
When the answer is no, I will trust Him.
When the answer is not yet, I will trust Him.
Because my trust isn’t ultimately in an outcome.
My trust is in a Person.
And His name is Jesus.
I don’t just want to believe in Him.
I want to follow Him.
I don’t just want to hear about Him.
I want to know Him.
I don’t just want to talk about His faithfulness.
I want to live like I believe He is faithful.
And when I look back over my life, I pray that I can say:
He was there in the valley.
He was there on the mountaintop.
He was there when I understood.
He was there when I didn’t.
He was there when I prayed boldly.
He was there when all I could whisper was His name.
He was always there.
And He still is.
Jesus, I trust You.
Not because I know what tomorrow holds.
But because I know Who holds tomorrow.
A Prayer for Trusting God
Father,
Teach me to know You, not just know about You.
Take me deeper into Your Word. Teach me Your character. Help me recognize Your voice and follow You even when I don’t understand where You are leading me.
When I am in the valley, remind me that You are still God.
When I am on the mountaintop, keep me grateful.
When I am afraid, remind me that You have not given me a spirit of fear.
When I don’t know what to pray, bring Your Word back to my heart.
When I am tired, help me rest in You.
When I want to control the outcome, help me surrender it.
When I want to run ahead, teach me to wait.
When I want to react, teach me to be still.
And when I forget everything You have already done, remind me.
Give me the kind of faith that doesn’t require me to know the ending before I trust You.
I love You, Jesus.
I choose You.
I want to follow You.
And in every season I trust You.
Amen. 🥹😌
Thank you for sitting with me through Entry 03: Part One. I’m still learning. Still growing. Still being corrected. Still becoming. But above everything else, I’m learning that Jesus is not simply a part of the journey.
He is the reason for it.
Until the next entry, keep seeking Him, keep opening your Bible, keep praying, even when the prayer is small and keep giving yourself grace.
From Grit to Grace
Faith. Grace. Growth. 🤎
Come Stay Connected 📲
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Until then, keep seeing Him.
🤭🫶🏽