everything that i am.

Hey Chile! What’s going on with you on this Sunday? I got up a little before 8 o’clock and listened to the Word. “My best is in the lead.” Regardless of what thangs may look like or how thangs may feel. Keep going. Keep pushing. God is in full control. He is. And He doesn’t need your help. So get out of your own way! And definitely get out of His.

I have been listening to quite a few sermons here lately. Mostly Bishop T.D. Jakes. (My favorite.)I feel good. My spirit even feels light. But Chile that does not mean that I don’t feel the burn of the tests that occur in the midst of my growth. Sometimes I be wanting to curse the devil slam out. But then I know I will fall right into the palm of his hands. He needs to go somewhere and go to sleep though, (Anyways.) These days I just continue to press forward in my faith, even when thangs get a little shaky. ‘I will not waiver in my faith.‘ Gods grace is promiscuous. I can feel it. The same God that did it then is the same exact God now. That’s what I will tell myself when the struggle times occur. Whew Chile. Thank God for Jesus right!

For the last few months I have had the urge to cut my nails short. But every time I would make a appointment to get a fill in, thinking I would cut my nails down I would leave out just the same. Now, for the record my nails are naturally mine. They home grown Chile. So I don’t know if my long nails are equivalent to someone debating on cutting their long hair. (That’s about the best example I can give ya Chile.) If you know me, you know how I feel about my nails. My hands. I love to see pretty hands and nails. Pretty rings. Pretty nail polish. My skin crawls when I see crampy, dirty, bit down to the nub finger nails. (Yikes!)

It may seem or sound ridiculous to some. But with this growth that I am diligently, uncomfortably going through I’m embracing every change. And yeah, my nails are one of them.

My new year is coming up in 8 days. When I was in my twenties I dreaded the thought of thirty. One reason is because I was on this absurd time line. And the closer to thirty I got, the more I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. (In other words I felt like I was failing. All my goals weren’t checked off.) I will be thirty one, and I have neva in life felt more confident, content, happy, tenacious, and sexy in my life. Most people fear getting older (I used to) especially women. But when they say with age comes wisdom. They ain’t lying. I’m certain. I’m sure. And everything that I want has a reason. I ain’t trying to keep up or compete. I ain’t tryna figure out how she did it or how she’s doing it. But how can I. I no longer feel less than after scrolling Instagram because she has side abs and I’m still working on mines. I can enjoy day dreaming about my forever home when I lay down at night without feeling like I’m running out of time.

I’m just tryna be better than I was yesterday. I’m just tryna be me.

Everything I am…

Talk soon.?