Good Morning Loves!!
What a beautiful morning it is, if I do say so myself! It’s bright and sunny outside, fresh cut grass, and the birds are chirping away in morning conversation! I love it! But what I really love is what I see around me and how it makes me feel internally. My family. Yep! My family. My husband and our daughter…our daughter! Who would have ever thought. I lost hope alot of times. Actually I really doubted that everything I ever wanted would even come true. You know when people say that dreams come true, they never lied. For the people who said that God answers prayers (shacking my head) you couldn’t have been any closer to the truth! If you didn’t know, you better ask somebody!
I have prayed, I have prayed and literally have cried while praying begging for real love. I was so fed up with the bull crap, the back and forth, the “oh yeah girl hes the one girl” and he ain’t nothing at all, wasn’t to me anways. (Good luck and God speed to the next chick.) To sum it all up I was over and out when it came to lust cause that was all that approached me. And then I met my husband, I was eight-teen years old. Trust me things got worse before they got better.
And now I wake up in the morning because my husband and my daughter are up ready to start the day. Hubby is preparing for work and Naom is up curious to see what daddy is doing while he’s getting dressed. I wake up so filled up. I’m telling you you don’t understand me when I say I am blessed! Everything I see around me. Blessed! Everything I touch daily. Blessed! Everything I feel physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Blessed. Right now at this very second I owe it all to God. He blessed me once, He blessed me twice and He just keeps on blessing me and my family. Ya girl is grateful. Sometimes people ask me, “how” and I say, “God.” Some people are ready to hear how good God is and some people stick their noses up like “here we go.” Well I’m sorry! NOT! I give credit where credit is due. Some people will never understand the seriousness of my brokenness. I just wanted Rob so bad. We met and were strictly friends. I actaully called Rob my best friend and then the closer we got I called him my big brother. (YUCK!) Then what do you know, we fell in love, dramatically. We were head over hills for each other. There wasn’t a day that we went without seeing each other. Then he joined the Marine Corps. Let me just say this…I didn’t know what I had until Rob left. Every problem that our relationship had before then corrupted as soon as he went away. We tried. We really tried but the force between us beat us down. I grew to hate him and I dont think he could stand me very much either. I did talk about my broken heart, heck I actually talked about it alot. I never went into great depths and that’s because I didn’t want to feel misunderstood or be judged. And now look (shacking my head) I’m telling you if you don’t know God like that I suggest you get to know Him.
Despite what people thought about me, felt about me or said about me I prayed for my husband! Yep! I sho did! I literally prayed for my husband and everything I wanted him to be to me and I also prayed that I would be everything that my husband wanted and needed me to be to him as his wife. God said, if you ask you shall recieve. Faith! Faith! Faith goes a long way. Faith is a must, faith should be something that is a…is a demand, a ummm…a necessity.
See usually I go over my blogs to some extent before I post but not today, today I’m freestyling about everything I feel right now. Right now at this very moment. The feeling that I rolled over with this morning was so, so, i dont even know how to put it in words ya’ll. I’m legit still in bed right now! I’m being productive though.
Waking up seeig and knowing what God can do is out of this world.
Let me back it up a little bit. For those who know me know that I am a organzied gal, I am super-duper organized. I have journals galore and they all have a specific purpose! Most importantly I have a mini planner (calendar) notbook that can be tossed in the baby bag. That comes in handy if I’m out about a need to jot down stuff or check and see what needs to get done and not be forgotten. I also have another planner (calendar) notebook that stays in the house that has alot more space for note taking, that one is a little bit more in depth. Writing down every days daily activities is something that I have been doing for years, I’m talking years ago like I was fourteen years old keeping tabs on daily life happenings. Point I’m trying to make is this, today is June 4, 2016 right? Well, I took a look back two years today which would be June 4, 2014. Two years ago today on June 4 it was a Wednsday, I had class, two to be eaxct, I volunteered after class, and I had to be at work at 5 o’clock, oh yeah did I mention that I had to be at the gym at six o’clock in the morning to workout with my trainer. I also see two years ago today that I was “stressed out, lonely, and frustrated.” Ya see! That’s what I have written down, two years ago today, “stressed out, lonely, and frustrated.” BUT GOD!!!!
See my entire life is dedicated to being a wife! I love it!!! And you can bet your bottom dollar that I embrace every moment, every awakening moment. I’m so in love I even dream about it, literally!
My whole world is devoted in being a mommy! I am in awe that God trusted me, ME! with such a precious gift like Naomi. Oh my gosh. Like I look at her and I just get so overwhelmed with joy. I just kiss her, squeeze her and inhale her baby scent. I’m so in love ya’ll. So in love! That little girl is my whole world, my entire life. I love her with everything I have and everything I don’t.
I am so grateful for the struggle, the pain, the fight, the giving up, the back and forth, the uncertainty because I came out of it fulfilled, jouful, happy and most of all loved, genuinely. Rob and I have a heck of a story! I mean a heck of a story!There was alot of laughs and alot of tears. Every bit of it was well worth everything that I have now. Looking back at some things we’re just pure-dee funny at times. (Haha.) This marriage, this family is strong! One reason for sure is because God was invited to be the center of this way before I even knew Rob was going to ever be my husband. When I hoped for it I asked God to be the center of my marriage every second, every moment, every day! Every single day be the center and the fore front of it all. Be the glue that keeps us, be the peace, just be God, just be! Another reason is we built a foundation to build on first. You have to have something to stand on. Alot of times we feel like we are building something with someone and its noooo foundation to hold up what we’re building. Then when everything crumbles you dont understand. I’ve been there and done that! Heck Rob and me even did that. Moving to fast because you feel like you’re out of time…but you know that God laughs at our plans right! “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails.” -Proverbs 19:21.
Look at it this way…you can’t turn on the lamp to brighten up a room if you don’t have a light bulb…right? So having a foundation is important and having God as your foundation is a major key!
I woke up this morning so thankful! Alot of times we abuse our blessings. What I mean by that is we will make our whole life about what we want when we don’t have it, yet as soon as we get exactly what we’ve been praying for we tend to go on as if we didn’t get defeated or knocked down a few times getting what we now have.
So today I woke up not asking God for a thing, I just wanted to say, “Thank you Jesus!” Thank you! Two years ago today, I was suffering and today, two years later I feel the complete opposite of what I was feeling then.
See I have no problem with telling you that I over compensated because what I really wanted in my life I didn’t have. If I kept busy I wouldn’t have time to think about it or maybe life was good the way it was. I would tell myself sometimes when it was an okay day that I could go thorugh life without having the things I really wanted, right? I mean hey, I’m driving a BMW before thirty. Bank account doesn’t look too shabby. I’m going to school with satisfactory grades, I worked out faithfully at the gym with my trainer, at one point I had to ask myself was I trying to be fit or relieve some serious stress and not to mention I was working two jobs, not too bad, not too bad at all, right? Wrong! I was so incomplete inside. Everything I pretended I wanted was at my feet. Everything I yearned for was only a prayer and a dream. I couldn’t stand it. Miserable. Sooo miserable!
But I prayed, I prayed, boy I praaaaayed. People probably don’t even understand the extent that I pray. In my constant praying (then) it was still hard for me to believe what I was praying for! One reason being the more I prayed the more hell broke lose. I didn’t know how to walk by faith and not by sight. Now that my relationship with God is closer and I am living my desire, I completely trust God. I know what Jesus can do!
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
See hope is faith.
Alot of times when you’re in the situation hope is a hard thing to lean on, hope can make you feel paralyzed in a sense, you feel weak. Forget about feeling hopeful, you feel more so hopeless. Hopelessly devoted in love and not knowing what to do. (Sigh.)
That’s where you have to have that relationship with God, you don’t see God as a religion but as a Father, a Friend, a Protector, and so many other things that God openly offers so freely that gets us through. I thought of it like this, if I called my Daddy for help it’s not a doubt in my mind that he would not help me! I know my daddy would help me without a shadow of a doubt, no matter what the situation. So why couldn’t I trust my Father like that? Why couldn’t I trust God in the same expect that I did my Daddy? (I use to always ask myself that.) If I said God, help me please with this, help me please with that, then why couldn’t I just trust God like I would trust my Daddy. It was so hard not being able to grasp the things that I really wanted, the things that really made me feel like I had something to live for. I was so use to being able to buy what I wanted, or just bust my tail to get it. In the sense of studying or pushing myself to do two more push ups at the gym instead of giving up, that type of thing. But relationships, marraige, husband, wife it does’t come that easy as trying to make an “A” in chemistry, or even needing extra money. Hey you can always pick up some over time, or heck get a part time job if you want too. It just seems like it’s more so in your control, ya know. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from.
People were on the outside looking in when it came to Rob and me. Some people may have assumed it was him or maybe everything was my fault, heck maybe it was the both of us combined. I know now it was God saying, “No, not right now.” I didn’t understand it then, but I get it now. Rob and me have invested in so much in our life, not because we are maried now, I mean before then too. We have always been so wrapped up in each other. I have never been in love with no man on this earth except for Rob. I mean I may have loved a few but there is no comparison at all when it comes to Mr. Jones. I wanted him and only him to be my husband and that’s what I prayed for and that’s what I got! God knows how much I love my husband. He knew it then and He knows it now. So I prayed and I prayed. I knew that if God didn’t want it to be Rob then the next man would have to be out of this world. But Rob always has always been my world. I’m so thankful that God chose us for one another.
God just wanted us to be but at the right time, His time.
Everything happened the way it was suppose to happen. No one truley will ever understand the praying that I did and even my prayer life now. Everything in my life that has transpired I know that God was at the center of it. He heard my cry.
I’m sorry! Maybe I’m rambling. I dont know, I tend to do that sometimes. My point is this, pray for what you want, trust God, and have faith! Don’t ever listen to people when it comes to crucial matters in your life, listen to God. He will lead you right where you need to be, where you want to be. It won’t be easy at all. I’m not sitting here telling you that when you surrender to God that everything will be unicorns and rainbows, I’m actually telling you all hell is about to break lose. The devil doesn’t want anyone to be praying for love! Think about it, if people prayed more for love this world would be easier to live in. Rely on God in all things. Even when things aren’t going your way.It’s all a test of your faith. In the mist of it do not allow people or the devil to make you feel stupid for a better lack of words for praying for exactly what you want. So if you’re praying for a husband keep praying sista! God will give you exactly what you ask for. I promise! I promise you! And you sir, if you’re looking for a Queen because you know that you’re a King, well I suggest you get to praying or keep praying my brotha!
Some people will make you feel like a fool if you say, “I’m praying for my husband….or wife” (I’m trying to not leave my men out, but if I do, just turn my he into a she…you got it) they may even laugh in your face. But hey maybe your’re like me, being a wife is honorable, being a wife is necessary to me.
Anywho, I just wanted to encourage you this morning. There is not a thing wrong with praying for love and wanting it, wanting to be a wife, asking for a great man to be your husband. Pray. Have faith. Believe in what you ask for even if all hell is breaking lose around you. You know the devil calls himself showing up when God is about to show out! Don’t let that break you! Fight! God will tell you when to throw in the towel and walk away if need be. He will pull you out if it’s a person that is not for you. Trust me! God will not let you fight a good fight only to be in vain. So stand still, wait on the Lord and trust in Him.
Real quick! One more thing! Stop fooling around with these tanky folk whether you be a man or woman! Stop fooling around with tanky people. Now we do know that there is for sure wolves in sheeps clothing, God will handle that too! However, some of yall (I’ve done it too) are out here messing with someone who you just love sooo much! OOOOOOOOHHH, you love them, you love them, you love them. You worship the ground they walk on. And some of you already know this person means you no good. If you were to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself were you honeslty happy, I’m talking about sincerely happy! You probably will tell yourself you are! You are a liar! You’ll look yourself dead smack in your own eyes and lie to yourself! Let it go! You better get the gift of good bye! Some of you know right now that the person you are with you have no business with at all. Ask yourself right now, what’s your value? Or do you even feel as if you’re valuable at all? I hope you arent just sticking around to say you have someone. You don’t even know that you’re just some cheap thrill. (Poor thing you.) Or you know and you just have excepted it and settled. Some of you are praying right now for God to reveal something to you and He has but you still waiting for the ball to drop! WAKE UP!! Because some of you don’t even know, you don’t even understand that you are following the person you love so much to hell, and they care so much about you that they will lead you straight there! Stop settling for just whatever, we’ve all done it. I’ve done it. Knowing better but refusing to do better! I do believe that they’re is somebody for everybody. No man should be alone. Therefore, you were created not too be alone. Really pray for what you want, do not settle. Please don’t.
I’m telling you that you better get a grip and start praying!
I realize that some people don’t get to experience the love that I am experiencing now in a lifetime, and I will never take it for grranted. I’m so grateful to God. I’m so thankful. I woke up two years later today having exactly what I prayed for!
For those of you who had no idea that I was broken…I was Faithing It Till I Made It chile.
I love you Superman.
Sincerely,
Red Lipstick